Saying it here so I don't say it out loud...............
The restroom door is directly across the hall from me. It is shared by a few of the other agencies and doctors in this building. Some guy went in there this morning and sounded like he was bombing Lebanon. Can we get this room soundproofed? And does everyone hear me when I am in there?
In every office there is the person that wants to put a smart ass sign up for something that adults should already know. Over the newly installed kitchen sink is a sign that reads "Please wash your dishes. This ain't ya Mama's house." I know I am supposed to wash my bowl jackass.
Never ever ever send me an email with bold print and things underlined like I don't understand what I need to do especially if I am not the one that made the mistake. Look, I am young, gifted, and black. I already know the damn procedures. If I didn't these people wouldn't have given me a fake title and a set of keys to the storage room. You just don't get that being dumb.
Today is the very last day that I let my one leg director tell strangers that I lost all of my shit in Katrina. I'm not the lab rat or the refugee quota filler. I was here before all of that. The next time she does it I am going to kick one of her crutches.
Every time someone buys a get well card for a co-worker, they pass it around the office for everyone to sign. For some reason I always get the card last. You know what happens when you get it last? Everyone else has already used all the common cliches for well wishes and now you have to think of some original corny shit that sounds stupid, or you can just sign your name and look like you didn't care as much as everyone else. The only thing I came up with today was "To a super dude"..............I wanted to punch myself in the face.
And just because I am a husky dude does not mean that I want to move every piece of furniture in the office. Mike is 100lbs bigger than me and the last time we moved a desk all he did was slide the damn chair out of the way. My name ain't Kunta.
1 comment:
This post is hilarious!
You know what I had to respond to though: people assuming that you're the default furniture mover. A friend of mine, Damion, works for a school system in Arlington, VA and experiences the exact same thing. Every time there's a function, school teachers and administrators automatically look at him like he's supposed to take their cue and start lifting shit - despite the fact that he doesn't work in that capacity.
He asked me why I thought it was and I came to the realization that these white folks are only comfortable dealing with brothers when we're working in some sort of service capacity. They think it's in our DNA to help them out with shit. It's the same reason why, when I'm shopping, some white person always approaches me and asks me if I work there.
Next time they need something moved - I don't care if it's a damned PAPER CLIP - get them to do it themselves. 'Course, they'll think you're "lazy" then.
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