My Bad Side

I have been doing a lot of complaining lately due to the condition of where I live. I know there are folks that think I am always upset about something but that is not true. In my post Katrina world I am more aggravated than usual. Most of the time I am in a joking mood. There are only a few things that can upset me. Because I have nothing else to talk about, here is the list.

1. People who call me Clifford instead of Clifton: If you want to kill a conversation with me, call me Clifford and I will tune you out. My name is Clifton Harris III and the only thing I will accept in place of that is Cliff for short. Clifford is not my name.
2. When Someone wants to tell me what they would have done differently: These are the people who want to tell you that you hired the wrong guy, bought the wrong car or took the wrong route to get somewhere. Don’t you hate it when someone comes to your house and tells you things like “You could have gotten a bigger TV at this store” or “I would have painted this room blue”? Get your own house and put whatever you want to in there. Leave mine alone. There are only two people that can do this without irking me and that’s Bernadine and Clifton.
3. People who brag on success but never seem to do anything for anyone else: I am dedicating this one to my grandfather because I know for a fact that people showing up empty handed to a family function and then bragging for hours about money really pissed him off.
4. People who follow me too close when I am driving: I am paranoid of getting rear ended in an accident. Why people do this in traffic is something I just don’t get. My boy Cedric will hit his brakes in the middle of the block just to scare the jackass behind him into backing off a little.
5. When someone doesn’t have a job but has a better car than I do: You can call this hating if you want but I don’t understand it.
6. Kids who try to talk to me like an adult: When I was a child we were not allowed to speak to adults about certain things even if we were the topic of conversation. This is why our kids now are cursing out teachers in the second grade.
7. The Potluck People at Work: Besides major holidays, there is no reason to plan a meal full of dishes from people who can’t cook or don’t look that sanitary. Some people always want to plan these things and then have the nerve to ask everybody to give money plus a dish. If you want to have a dinner once a month, spend your 40.00 on that big ass ham to feed these vultures. Ever since the time at my old job when one of my co-workers brought the green peas still in the can, I have no place for this tradition in my life.
   
8. The Candy Sellers at Work: I’m all for helping your kids school but I am starting to think that some of these people are selling candy for their own profit around here. I remember selling those nasty ass candy bars only once a year. My daddy would give me 20.00, I would pick the little cheap toy out of the catalog and that was it. Some of these ladies sell candy every single day. What is this school trying to buy? From now on I need to see invoices. School lets out in June and they are still pushing candy in July.
   
9. E-Mails with code letters in them: Is there a book with all these abbreviations so I can know what’s going on? I get emails at work without one real word in them. How do you respond to " Hi Cliff, this is Joe from LMTC. We need to get the DVE from the OBT report and compare that with the MID. " I always just respond with "OK".
10. Anyone who thinks Tupac is dead: When the statue of limitation is over for faking your own death he is coming back from Cuba and it’s on.