Sometimes...i wonder...would it just have been better to stay and drown in my home than to have to deal with living in a cruel world.
One of my nieghbors this morning....made a comment to me, that rubbed me the wrong way. Well, she's been doing this for some time now, but i've managed to ignore her up until today. She has helped me with a few rides to places here (I ruined my car evacuating the city, so I have been carless in Memphis since i've been here up until yesterday), but while she's given me rides, she taken that opportunity to question me about what benefits i may or may not be getting from agencies and whatever else she feels she needs to know about my business. She's made statements to me about not wearing a coat...that i am going to get sick and what is my problem for doing that and so on. I never really responded, just blew it off with a smile....of course, this women never thought to herself maybe this woman lost her coat in her house...but u know that was too much like right for her to think that. She sees all my kids have coats...Memphis hasnt been all that kind in assisting us here, ....the city is a greedy one, and I personally believe that it has taken alot of things that were for evacuees and kept it for themselves...so i bought my kids coats. I have no problem with that because i am supposed to provide for my kids whether the govt gives me coats or not. The mother i've always been, i always do for my kids first, i come after that...whatever they need, they come first...I have always done without things for my kids to have what they need...I felt them having coats was more of a neccessity than me having one...so i didnt get me one...until a few weeks ago when i could afford to get one for myself....i've dressed in layers to keep myself warm in the interim.
This lady saw me this morning with a coat...and yeah its a nice one...the one i lost was nice, so why shouldnt i have a nice coat...was that the reason she had to say something? Is it jealousy? I would hope not...I dont desire envy...but I am also not going to short change myself for the sake of making others feel good for me to have less than what they have or what they expect for me to have. So...anyway, the lady says hello and i say hey....and as she is getting into her car she says...."Its about time u put on a coat" and gets in her car....
Folks, yeah, she pissed me off....I didnt get ignorant...but I felt I had to put her in her place, so i walked up to her car...and tapped on her window as she was heating it up....and she rolled it down and i said..."I want u to know that, the statement u made offended me...the reason i have not had a coat was because i lost mine in the flood water and i had to buy my kids coats first before i could get one for myself...that's why i am just now wearing a coat because i am just now able to get one"....she says "oh Im sorry baby..." I smiled, and walked away.
If anyone is reading this that is not from New Orleans ...i want u to understand something and I believe I speak for everyone on this....I dont care what the govt gives us, or how many new things we aquire...even if those things are better than what we had....there is something still missing in each and everyone of us. I guess we cannot expect for u to understand it...and understand why we continued to live in an economically difficient and crime ridden city. The culture of New Orleans is like no other....the substance of it, is unexplainable. I miss sitting outside with my neighbors on the porch just talking, ...shooting the sh*t....i miss the children playing up and down the street, riding bikes, ...and the ones that had bikes, knew the ones that didnt have them so they just let thier bikes sit...and said, well , what can we play that all of us can play....? I miss those kids going inside and getting telephone cords to jump rope....and playing catch with each other....and there was no happier moment for them...then just hanging...and that's just a little bit....of every dayum thing that we had as a whole that made us happy. It dont never have to make sense to anybody...but us. And if i could turn back the hands of time today...I'd take what i had over what i have now anyday...because i feel like my life was way more abundant than now (Im in tears as i write this).
So...please people....that arent directly affected by this...think before u speak...and understand, that life isnt as superficial as u think it is.
To mah Homies from the N.O.....Stay Up!
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Words From a Friend
I wanted to share this piece that was written by my friend Jennifer now living in Memphis. I think she speaks for all of us.