Monday, December 30, 2013

Sitting On My Porch and Glad 2013 is Over

I can’t wait until 2014 gets here. I wish the change of the calendar really did eliminate everything you feel and allowed you to start over. In the ranking of years that sucked 2013 is high on the list. It wasn’t on the level of 2005 or depressing as 2007 but it is definitely ranked number three during my lifetime.

In August I found out my daughter was diabetic. We found out the hard way because she was in a coma for a few days. Despite starting school late and having to get adjusted to pricking her fingers as well as taking shots two times a day she is doing fine. I wish I was one of those people who found inspiration in bad events but I am not. One night in the ICU of Children’s Hospital was the first time I questioned why God let certain things happen. I’m the one that drinks all the time and eats too much. I’m overweight and out of shape. I have been saying that I am going to start working out again and never did it. If somebody has to be in ICU then let it be me.  I deserve to have my life altered. She doesn’t deserve anything.

I learned after my old life flooded away that things don’t work that way. You have to deal with the current circumstance and try to move on. If you spend a lot of time dwelling on what happened to you life will pass you by because the world doesn’t stop.  Unfortunately I have spent much of my 30’s with a high level of focus that it requires to make bad situations good as they can be. Somehow I have managed to have a pretty good life despite being somewhat melancholy under the surface the whole time.  I am sure that’s not a good thing but I am so used to it that it feels comfortable.

Friends like to joke around with me about going through a midlife crisis before the age of 40. That’s what I kept telling everyone throughout the year.  I don’t feel old.  When you are my age and from where I am from you have dealt with a lot of unnecessary death from your peers. Lately I have been thinking about all my friends who are not around and all the different reasons they are missing. 

Right before Mardi Gras my friend Christopher’s truck went off the Causeway Bridge. We met when I was 20 and we both worked at Auto Zone together. He became my road trip companion and partner in crime as we went through the city doing dumb stuff together. As we got older he was one of the few people still in New Orleans that I trusted and would call on him or go talk to him about things because I knew he would give me an honest and raw opinion if I needed it.  I can’t replace that guy and the city doesn’t feel the same knowing he’s not around. Plus, there’s jokes I can’t crack anymore because he was the only person that knew what they meant.

I met Anderson in the 9th grade. I called him Doug E. Fresh because back then he kind of looked like him.  We had a group of guys that we called the Six Man Posse. We lost contact after high school but ran into one another at a football game after Katrina. He was working at a restaurant at the World War II museum. We had been talking about getting together with our kids and lighting the grill. He was stabbed to death in April.  Of the Six Man Posse at least three are no longer with us. I’m looking for the other two but haven’t had any luck.

These are the things that lead up to 2013 being not so good. Despite that, I am looking forward to 2014 and turning 40. I’m also looking forward to bringing back my blog to regular posting.  It’s not that I haven’t had things to say. I just haven’t felt like typing too many words. I think I have my spirit back.

Happy New Year..

4 comments:

Anita said...

It's always good to see your post. May I be the first here to wish you a Happy New Year. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter-it will challenge her to deal with this as well as challenge you. Tell her about one of my favorite true heroines and success stories, Regina Benjamin, the now retired Surgeon General, who is also diabetic. She has don e a lot of good in the world.

I will watch this space in the hope you do post more frequently during the coming year. For myself, as I am about twice your age, I will be winding down a bit but may this be a wonderful year for all of us.

oyster said...

I'd like to echo Anita's fine sentiments.

Man, I don't blame you for bidding riddance to 2013. Nothing tests a father's mettle like that helpless feeling when his child is in the hospital. Suddenly losing an old friend is no picnic, either. I was sorry to hear of these traumas, but will say you described them brilliantly ("I deserve to have my life altered", "there's jokes I can't crack anymore…"). It really made me feel for you.

Here's to a much better 2014. Take care, and please keep doing us the favor of posting at the Crib.

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Lori E. Chamberlain said...

I also feel glad when i sitting on a porch on air .