Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Where does strength come from? Are you born with it or is it something you can draw on when you really need it? I had some alone time last night. I was just up on the sofa drinking some tea and thinking about everything that has happened in the last year. I have lost my godfather, grandfather and grandmother in less than 12 months. I lost my home, car, dog,...You know all that stuff already. What has surprised me the most is that with the exception of a few bad days I have still been able to laugh, joke, dance and live my life the way I like to. It hasn't been easy but I have done it. I am actually surprised myself that I haven't went crazy and done something stupid. I have let way more trivial things in the past get me down more than all of this.
I am going to give credit to two things. The first thing is that I have been raised by a group of people that have always made me feel that I was equipped to handle mature things and really be a man. I have been blessed to have all my grandparents and elders live long enough during my life to actually show me and tell me that they are proud of who and what I am as a person. There is no way I could let them down by letting circumstances out of my control keep me from going forward. They all would want me to make sure that my kids had the same support to hold on to that I had for as long as I am allowed to give it to them. Strangely, I can actually hear them telling me that in my mind.
The other reason is that contrary to what allot of people think. I am much more spiritually conscious than I let on. I will be the first to admit that I am not a biblical scholar by any stretch. When I have a question about that I ask Yolanda. I am also not a big church guy, although Neecha is probably going to hurt me when she sees me for not going like she told me to. In spite of all of that, my personal relationship with God is pretty strong. I probably could use a little assistance with my understanding of certain things but never do I not recognize the power of prayer and blessings. I just apply mine to everyday action instead of a bunch of catchy phrases.