Thursday, January 5, 2006

Mind Blowing Volume 27

Thoughts from a Sober Mind

When I first started out after high school I had a plan A and maybe a plan B if things didn't work out. I am now on plan M and surely will run out of alphabets. I guess I will go to Greek letters like they did for the hurricanes.

I wrote about my daddy yesterday and I have to say that the way I have been dealing with all this Katrina stuff without killing someone or going on a drinking binge is in direct relation to lesson number 2.

Conspiracy Theory: The government through FEMA is purposely giving people who have a job, want to return home or had homeowners insurance a hard time and treating everyone who we know never even thought about working a day in their life like kings and queens so we can start hating them too and turn into Republicans. I am not even trying to have them take care of me. I was just asking for a little help, not for you to take care of me FEMA.

The greatest form of birth control ever created is a two year old insomniac with a love of sweets. Trust me on this. The patch, shot, pill, or the diaphragm has absolutely nothing on a two year old. Not only will you not have a chance to make any more children, you won't get close enough to catch a cold.

I intentionally turned my daughter on to the Tom and Jerry cartoon because I figured that would be a way we could both enjoy cartoons. Now all I watch is Tom and Jerry and watching as an adult is quite different. How come a cat advocate group hasn't protested this show? Tom was a street cat. I can tell you from personal experience that street cats are ruthless. Jerry really shouldn't have made it past the first episode. My grandmother had a cat named Sabrina that killed everything in her path except for humans and she probably thought about that.

5 Questions I need help with:
1. As much bragging as he does, why haven't we heard about Baby(The Birdman) doing anything for Katrina victims?
2. Why don't any of those girls on Flavor Flav's new dating show look happy?
3. Why isn't there a Crown Royal flavored water?
4. What is the proper time after seeing a new movie trailer when you should look for the bootleg?
5. Why do young black people purposely misspell words to make them look cool?

Conspiracy Theory 2: I was watching a Boondocks rerun the other day and I have to figure that if George Bush is spying on Americans, one of them has to be R Kelly. Think about this. Michael Jackson went on trial for messing with little boys and black people dropped him like a bad habit. We tried to forget everything about Mike that happened after the Off The Wall album. On the other hand, R. Kelly has been seen on tape by half the population messing with a young girl, even peeing on one and we never stopped jamming to 12 Play. What the hell is in R. Kelly's music that made us forget? Bush needs to watch this dude. R Kelly might be working on a song that will put us in a trance like the Children of the Corn. Don't you think it's strange he calls himself the Pied Piper? Get on your job George and spy on R Kelly.

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