I remember one day me and my friend Lisa were having a discussion about Tupac. She couldn't understand how he could sound so inspired and happy one minute and so angry and hopeless the next. I really didn't have an answer for her at the time but now I do. Sometimes circumstances in your life can lead you to be so confused about everything that it makes you angry because you can't make sense of it. I am not comparing myself to Tupac. My problems and situations at the moment are much more drastic than his was at the time in my opinion. I am saying however that for the last two years I have experienced a range of emotions as wide as you can imagine. One month I was celebrating the birth of my daughter and the next month I was being laid off from my corporate job and wondering how I would feed her. I don't need to get into all the Katrina stuff again. Some mornings I wake up, make some coffee, go outside and look around and say to myself " today is going to be a great day". I play with my daughter, sing a few songs, and call and laugh with my people. The next day I wake up, pull the cover back over my head, don't talk to anyone and keep to myself so I don't get into any fights for any little thing. I never stay really up or down for a long time. There are questions to be answered. Am I bi-polar? Is someone drugging my food? Could I collect a check from this and not work again? All jokes aside, it really bothers me sometimes. I would like to be as even keeled as possible but that process is extremely difficult at the moment. Difficult as it is, there needs to be some balance. I refuse to be angry all the time and yet I also will not allow myself to pretend that everything that has taken place has a silver lining to it. I hate to be the one to break the bad news ladies and gentlemen but there has to be bad in the world. There are three kinds of people. The first kind is the person that is constantly angry and can never find good in anything. The second is a person that thinks every single event in the world, even tragedy, is some kind of wonderful blessing no matter how many horrible it seems. Everybody else is somewhere in the middle going up and down depending on their current situation. If you can manage to stay in the last category your whole life without a nervous breakdown then you were successful.
There are beautiful things and wonderful people in this world we live in. Everyday I take the time to take notice of as many as I can. It helps you get through the rough times. There are also some bad, horrible things and lowdown people. Everyday I take the time to notice them too because to deny that they exist is cheating life out of what it really is. Life is a mixture of good and bad events mixed with good and bad people. The only control we really have in this physical form is how we react to both of them. If there is someone out there reading this that has a problem or a situation that has them down, do not be afraid to admit you are down. Admitting it doesn't mean you have to stay there. It just means that you are willing to accept life for what it is and do something about it if you can. If you can't recognize the bad times, how can you ever enjoy the good ones?
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