Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sitting on My Porch Part Twenty Six.......Nothing Serious

This blog has gotten way too serious. People are going to think I am an angry man. You can't live being angry. I am not angry at all. I may be a little delirious and confused by the actions of other people but I can live with those issues.

How does Mark Cuban own an NBA team and not know its never a good idea to shout a big black dude's mama especially one with a big tattoo of red lips on his neck. You want to keep that guy peaceful as possible. Speaking of people with neck tattoos...

Do people with tattoos on their neck wear sweaters to job interviews when it gets hot outside? Unless you are already rich, a musician, in the NBA or a tattoo artist yourself, that might not be the best place for ink.

Is it just me or are those Quiznos Torpedo commercials very disturbing?

The coolest man I ever met was a 4’10 cat with a perm from the 7th Ward affectionately called Warm Daddy.

Why would the most interesting man in the world drink Dos Equis beer?

Take it from a person with a extensive background of hooptie experience,…..people with cars that can’t go over 40 miles per hour should not get on the interstate. Get a map and study the street routes please.

How may football fans are hoping Brett Favre breaks his shoulder while doing yard work so he can retire for real and stop hijacking the off season with his fake retirements?

Why hasn't Billy Mays done a commercial for whatever product he uses to dye his beard? This is a slam dunk promotion if I ever saw one.

If you are on a helpdesk call at work and the user on the end of the phone shouts "Lord Jesus!!" when you asked them to click on something, that is a good indication that it's going to be a long phone session. Tech support people understand what I'm saying.

Our ex Technology Director in New Orleans spent over 1200 dollars at a New Orleans East strip club. How many lap dances is that? There truly is class division in the city because less than a block away is another club where you couldn’t spend 1200 dollars in one night if you tried. Not only do they not take credit cards, there isn’t even an ATM inside. Of course this is what I heard from other people. I’ve never been in there myself of course.

Why don’t hip hop DJ’s scratch anymore?

If you roll over in the morning and it feels like there are three people lying on your back, it’s time to hit the gym again. I’m not back to three people yet. Right now it’s more like one adult and a small child.

One of my major pet peeves now is people who misspell words on their online profiles and leave it that way. Are you “thinkful for all of your bleasings" or "thankful for all of your blessings". These people usually have 200 friends and no one cares enough to send them a message to fix it.

Textfromlastnight.com is a funny website to read unless you see one of your messages on there.

The Knux along with Jay Electronica will be the next big thing to come from New Orleans as long as they don’t sign with Diddy.

A hot ass BBQ pit + a very hot day + two cocktails = A cure for insomnia.

Don't you hate it when someone does something nice for you that appears to be a favor but they keep reminding you about returning the favor so you end up feeling like a freeloader and wish you never accepted the offer in the first place? "Don't forget now...friends take care of one another."

It’s the hot season down here in the south. It’s time for the greatest fashion statement of them all…………I dedicate this song to the sundress.


Not So Old Soldier said...

I can't hope he hurts himself since he's my almost homeboy. But I hope Brett will just go away, let us remember him in his prime, because last season was not good bru. And this song... um. I love it makes a sister feel like the flyest ever.

Red said...

Wow! "Warm Daddy" Heh Heh heh:) I'm gonna keep an eye out for him!

come to think of it, I think I saw someone with that name either tattooed on their neck or on a satin sash in one of the recent second line parades - no BS, real talk!

Leigh C. said...

Heeheeheehee! "Lord Jesus!" is a good indicator that a LOT of things are going to be long and involved when the person being helped on the other end of the line says it a lot. Other good ones are "Oh, GOD", "Sheeit", and "Hell in a &!%#ing bucket".

Papa Bear said...

These are just awesome, lol


what a f##king slam dunk post.

Thanks for that bodacious post in not so bodacious times.

sitting on the porch cures a lot of ills in this town.