Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Adjustment is Neccessary But I Will Never Have Closure

Well, I guess Mississppi isn't so bad. We have found an apartment right outside of Jackson and have finally told ourselves we will be here for at least six months. The apartment area is nice enough to be relaxed to the point that six months should fly on by. Lots of people I spoke with the first week after Katrina said there was no way they would ever return. I myself said out loud that I wasn't going back. Now it's been a month and a half and I can sense the homesickness in allot of their voices. Now, this doesn't mean that I expect everybody to pack up their new lives and go back to the swamp. That won't happen. What I am saying is that no one will ever get closure from this storm. I thought going home to see my house and the city would give me some closure in knowning everything was gone. It only made matters worse. I am going to give you a few reasons why we will never have closure.
How can you really just walk away and not even be concerned about what's going on. You will always feel the need to see what's going on with the rebuilding and recovery. We all really wanna know if rich people are going to come in and take over our neighborhoods. We all wanna know what it is going to look like and who's going to live where we played in the street. If they do take over the places we called home forever we will all be angry no matter if it's ten months and ten years from now.
We haven't gotten to the roughest part of the year for this even yet. The holiday period between Thanksgiving and Christmas in New Orleans was like a family and class reunion. No matter where we had moved to, that was the time of year to come home and spread love with all your family, classmates and childhood friends. The reason for this is because this is where our grandparents and parents always stayed. Now, they are gone too. This will be the first holiday season in my life that our family didn't spend at 2144 Benton St. That means there will be no chance of closure for anybody until January 2.
The rest of America has never caught on to the culinary wonder that is Pattons hot sausage. I feel like a fiend looking around every grocery store in Mississippi for Pattons or D&D. There won't be any Pattons for awhile since it was under 10ft of water in the Lower Ninth Ward. This is truly dark days for me and my stomach. Even if you never move back, you know you got to go home for at least a hot sausage po boy with cheese.
These other places are cool and normal but New Orleans is different and odd. It's the kind of place you either have a feeling for or you can't live there. My dad always says New Orleans should have been it's own country. If you were born, raised, and have been living in New Orleans more than 20 years that will stick with you forever. There can be no closure because the lifestyle and the attitude of the city is who you are. You can't get closure from yourself. We are all products of Cool Can, Humpty Head, frozen cups, Tamborine and Fan, Wild Magnolias, Soul Rebels, Hot 8, Rebirth, gumbo, red beans on Monday, crawfish boils on Mother's Day, Super Sunday, Claiborne and Orleans on Mardi Gras, Shakesphere Park, Circle Food Store and like my friend Neecha would say " Sitting on the porch talking about nothing". That's who we are. The storm can't kill that. Even turning our shotgun doubles into townhouses can't kill it. It's in your heart and your personality. Don't look for closure. Look for your own personal peace and spirit and adjust to your new life. Trying to get closure from something that is a part of you will only make you sad.

1 comment:

QueenJoya said...

Hey Cliff,
Reading your blog has made me cry for the third time since all this has happened. You are so right we will never get closure, New Orleans is a part of who we are and I haven't had a chance to go home yet why haven't you gone by to see if they're still there? I miss Maze, I miss lunch at Jazzy's expensive poorboys but good! I miss the lake. I have a new porch now a screened in porch I also have a deck that goes half way around the side of my house but it's no fun without my people so I basically spend my time in my bedroom missing a piece of me that's died. But life goes on right? I can't stop the tears from falling. I don't think I'll ever wear yellow rollers again. I'm praying for you and your family.