BACK ON DECEMBER 1. I NEED TO RECHARGE

THE BIGGEST TURKEY EVER!

THANKS MR. BROWN FOR LIVING MY PEOPLE ON THE INTERSTATE AND THE SUPERDOME TO STARVE AND DIE OF THIRST WHILE YOU CHECKED ON YOUR CLOTHES AND ATE A NICE CAJUN MEAL IN BATON ROUGE. I HOPE YOU AND BLANCO GOT DIARRHEA.

Holiday Perspective

This is my last post until December. It has taken me all day to stop crying enough to write this. Thursday is Thanksgiving. Most of you will be sitting around the table with your love ones having a good time. While you are filling your stomach I want you to look around and ask yourself a question. Is there anything I want to do with or say to the people at this table? If the answer is yes then you better get to it. This is not a negative post. See, many black people talk about all the things and people they were missing in their life. I never had that problem. The truth of the matter is that for 30 years I had the greatest people around me. I never had to look for my daddy or wonder if he loved me. I was treated like a king by my grandparents, aunts, uncles and everyone else. I have nothing to be sad about. This will be the first Thanksgiving I have spent away from my parents and the rest of my family. I was sad about that but then I thought that our bonds is so strong and the memories is so deep that I am way ahead of most people in the family department. It's hard. I still don't know where my grandmother is. I went to today for DNA test and I am hoping everything is fine. Even if it isn't fine I can lay my head down every night for the rest of my life knowing one thing. That woman loved me beyond words. If I see her again in this life or the next one that will never change. I am not going to have the pity party and sit around all day Thursday feeling sorry for myself because tragic things have happened the last few months. See, I owe it to all the people that love me to make sure I take the love I carry with me and transfer that into my children for the rest of their lives. That's the cycle we as a people should be trying to carry on. Happy Thanksgiving grandma, grandpa, Uncle Leroy, Aunt Shirley, Lil Brother, Uncle Bunk and Auntie Debra. I hope you are all near one another waiting for the rest of us.

To all the people who may read this, take time and recognize the good things and the people in your life you care about. Make sure you have some good times to remember. Play with your kids. Talk to your parents. Dance with your grandparents if you still have them. Don't let it all end with regrets. I don't have any. If I had to do it all over again in the same place and at the same time I would.

Happy Thanksgiving.

24 Hours....An Original Piece By Me

24 Hours

12:00 AM
Can't sleep
Been tripping since you hung up the phone
I am calling again
Your voice makes it worse
Can you come over?
I know you have a meeting in the morning.
We don't even have to do anything
Just lay there
We have been spending time with each other for 4 months
She has stayed here three times
We still haven't done it

4:00 AM
Your body is warm.
I made a promise not to touch
Maybe I'll just rub her thighs and pretend I was sleeping
Oh my goodness she turned around
Her leg is on top of me.
She is moving it up and down
I know she feels me.
It’s not right to tease
How important is this meeting?

8:00 AM
She left early for work.
I can't believe I made it through the night
I don't want to mess up my chances
I wanted her to call in today
Damn professional women
There's a note on the dresser
she's coming back for eight.
I didn't even have to ask
I don't get off work until 6
I think I am leaving early
Her scent is still on my sheets.

12:00 PM
I can't wait until eight
I want to see you now
Let’s meet for lunch
You know the place
I'll stop and get you something
I know it’s raining
That makes it better.
Every time I see her she looks better
I have to stop staring
She might think I am losing it
I think I am

4:00 PM
Lunch was good
I can't believe a woman like her wants to be with me
I feel confident
Makes me want to hold her
I know she really likes me too
I am leaving work early.
I need to prepare
This might be the night
I think I will cook her something special
Who can work with someone like her on the brain anyway?
She just called me
Didn't want anything
Just wanted me to make her laugh
I am clocking out now

8:00 PM
Dinner is ready
Wine is chilled
I'm nervous
She just drove up
I left the door unlocked
That's a nice raincoat
Let me hang it up for you
Oh my!
There is nothing underneath
She doesn't want to eat dinner
She has decided I can have her
Now my heart is pounding
No time to walk all the way to the bedroom
The sofa is closer
I bought some things from the store but I am not going to use them
That stuff will just mess up your taste
I told you I was good
What did you ask me?
How do I want it?
Put your leg right there
Can you keep your balance?
I'll hold you up.
I feel like a teenager
Don't even need a break
Slow down
When you move like that I have a hard time holding back
It's yours!
Don't touch me for a few minutes

11:59 PM
What a day
Well worth the wait
I think that she thinks I am sprung
I think that she might be right
Now that we have crossed the line
What happens tomorrow?

Clifton

50 Cent to Launch Hip-Hop Book Line - Yahoo! News

50 Cent to Launch Hip-Hop Book Line - Yahoo! News

You have to give it to Mr. Jackson. He really cares. Not only can young people get a healthy dose of ignorance and black on black crime through his CD's, videos and that unhealthy movie, they can now also get it while learning subject/verb agreement. Didn't Donald Goines write these books already? I guess I should wait for Nelly's Tip Drill Coloring Book for the kids.

The Big Easy is Calling Me

Yesterday I decided to finally get out of this apartment and take a walk. The complex has a swing set and some ladders for the kids so I took my daughter over there to play. She had fun and so did I put since you can't really hold an intelligent conversation with a two year old throwing dirt, I had allot of time to think. I was thinking about how comfortable I felt being there with her helping her down the slide but at the same I wanted to get out and do something on my own later and there was nothing I could think of doing. I miss New Orleans. I miss my lifestyle. I am realizing that I am just not designed for living in quiet areas. I grew up on the avenue across the street from bar rooms and pool halls. That's not the most productive enviroment but it always spured something in me. I do realize that the life and places I knew in the city are not the same now and never will be. I have mixed emotions about relocation. With each passing day my plans to go back home or stay here become more and more confusing. There are so many reasons to stay and so many reasons to go back. In six months I will make that decision. Right now, it looks like the bayou is calling. Call me a fool but I love the place and after 31 years I am willing to give it a second chance to get it right. If there is anyone out there that is reading this and is homesick or ready to go home, don't feel bad or strange about it. It's not wrong to want to live where you are from. Every other American has the option to do that if they choose to. It's only us that everyone thinks should be happy to be somewhere else. I'm not going to settle for not having the choice to go back.

Terry McMillan was on Oprah yesterday with her gay husband discussing her marriage. I was surprise to see that they were still spending time together. Terry was really whipped by this guy. What was Oprah doing promoting this DL brother on her show. I know Terry McMillan is a friend of hers and everything and she wanted to put her on to tell her story. However, I was really upset when Oprah, Terry and the crowd all thought it was cute that her and this guy were still messing around. There are millions of black women getting sick because guys like him want to live both ways. We should not be promoting this on national TV.

If I hear one more black dude call a sports radio station and defend Terrell Owens for speaking his mind I am going to throw up. Let me tell you something, the only man in a company that can say anything he wants without nothing happening is the owner. All you little kids that think you can do this at your job and keep working will get sent home just like T.O. did. As long as another man's name is on the bottom of your check you really have no power. Let Terrell be your role model. Go to work, tell everyone your boss has no class and lets see what happens.










I am getting older and losing my touch with the younger generation. This was made apparent to me when I watched 106 and Park yesterday. At least Free and A&J had a little maturity. Tigger laughs at everything. The other little skinny girl looks like she is about to blow away. I have two observations about most music of today. The first one is that when I was coming up rappers and singers always looked different. R&B singers always dressed nice and hair their hair done in some shiny hairstyle. Rappers wore the t-shirts and jogging suits. Now, everybody looks the same on TV. A singer looks just like a gangster rapper. What happened to showmanship. The second thing is this.................If an alien spaceship landed on Earth and only had BET to watch and learn about black people, they would think that all black women were 120 lbs, had a weave, and shook their ass all day. They would also think that all black men had platinum teeth, 20 women and none of us spoke proper English. We need some balance. I am not going to sit here and say I wouldn't blast some Ying Yang Twins and Mike Jones because I do. I also find the time to get in a little Jean Grae and Sage Francis. If you don't know who either of those people are then you just made my point.

Passion

I finally decided to take my lazy ass over to the gym of this apartment complex and start working off this post Katrina drinking binge. I was riding the exercise bike when this lady walked in. I figured I should say hello since it was just me and her and I like to always make white women calm if I am ever in a situation that has us alone. We ended up having a good 30 minute conversation. Her name was Katie. I answered all the standard questions about New Orleans and the flood and she told me she was a veterinarian. This is when I got jealous of her. Now, I don't want to be a veterinarian. Black people from New Orleans only really like their own pets and some of them catch hell. I was jealous of Katie because she told me that she wanted to be a veterinarian since she was 6 years old and never wanted to do anything different. Her passion for animals is so great she made it through all the outside influences to do what she loves. She told me that she would even do it for nothing if she couldn't make money because she is that dedicated to it. The reason I was jealous is because I am 31 years old and can't think of anything that I have an interest in that deeply. My attention span is so short that even my dreams change every 20 minutes when I am sleeping. I am paying back loans now for education in a field that I can't stand. I don't know if I have a passion for anything. Some people do have a passion for something but they don't pursue it because they think it won't pay enough. How does one develop a passion for something so deep that they can't see themselves doing anything else in life regardless of how much cash they will make. I asked Katie and she really didn't know how it happened to her. All she remembers is that growing up she wanted to be around every animal she seen. Maybe it's natural. Maybe you grow into it. It is my belief that people with passion for what they are doing are far more happy than the rest of us because their actions are not guided by money alone. How many of us are at work everyday miserable because we have this dream or plan to do something different but we never take the steps to make it happen? We justify our normal, unfulfilled lives by our paychecks, the bills we need to pay and what kind of cars we drive but in reality most of us are sitting around daydreaming about that one thing that we wish we could do just to be happy with ourselves even if it never made us rich. Katie has that and I could tell that her mind was free from all the doubt and second guessing that comes from chasing money and status instead of your passion in life. My challenge for myself now is trying to get to that place.

Do you know what your passion is?

If I Felt Like Writing

I don't feel like sitting here and writing about anything. I just can't focus on one topic too long at the moment. If I did feel like writing, what would I write about?

I would write about the fact that after you have lived in New Orleans your whole life, any other city you go to will seem dead once it gets dark.

I would write about how funny it was to see all those republicans at Rosa Parks funeral knowing some of them would vote against everything she fought for.

I would write that with all the issues with hurricanes, Supreme Court nominations and grand jury investigations going on, not enough attention was given to the fact that October was the 4th highest total for casualties in Iraq and that is after the election for the constitution has taken place.

I would ask the question why don't they just kill all the birds they think may be able to carry the avian flu and get it over with.

I would write that even though they are victims of the storm, there is no way the Saints should be 2-7.

I would write about how stupid it is to go back with a category 3 level levee around the city after seeing what just happened.

I would write that the attitude of my family and friends about never returning to New Orleans is much greater than I ever expected and it is changing my attitude about going back.

I would write how I was 90% sure I was returning and now that is down to 50.

I would write that anyone that tells me I need to start moving on is forgetting the fact that my grandmother is still missing and that fact brings me close to Katrina every day.


I would write about how I have adopted the Pacers as my favorite basketball team this year since I know that Ron Artest winning would piss off mainstream America in the same way that Barry Bonds does.

I would write about after being at home every day for two months now I have no idea how an able bodied adult could do this their whole life and not go crazy.

I would write about how much I enjoyed New Edition singing Mr. Telephone Man with Bobby Brown at the BET Awards and how his wife really looks bad.

I would write that the Eagles should have suspended T.O. during training camp and traded him.

I would write that the Spurs will beat the Pacers in the finals and Kobe will be the MVP of the league.

I would write that the NBA dress code is hypocritical because they promote these urban brothers and make billions of dollars world wide but they don't want the world to see them for who they really are. You might as well tell them to wear mask and take away all of their personality like the NFL does.

I would write about how cool the Boondocks was tonight and how I hope Neecha was watching and didn't forget.

If I felt like writing, I would make the observation that for the last two months I have met all kinds of people from New Orleans. We have given one another support and sometimes even a way to laugh and joke about the whole thing when it was needed. I would write about how if maybe we would have been that way with one another in the city before the storm, most of our people wouldn't feel like freed slaves, vowing never to return.

Oh well.........I don't feel like writing so you will never know what I think.

FEMA e-mails provide window on ex-director's response - Yahoo! News

FEMA e-mails provide window on ex-director's response - Yahoo! News


So while all the babies and old folks were sitting in the sun suffering and waiting for help, this asshole Micheal Brown was sending emails worrying about his clothes and who was going to watch his dog. I now want even more money from the government.

Can I get a lawsuit out of this?

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Review to Congress finds design flaws in New Orleans levees

01:01 PM CST on Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Brett Martel / Associated Press

The engineers who designed the floodwalls that collapsed during Hurricane Katrina did not fully consider the porousness of the Louisiana soil or make other calculations that would have pointed to the need for stronger levees with deeper pilings and wider bases, researchers say.

At least one key scenario was ignored in the design, say the researchers, who are scheduled to report their findings at a congressional hearing Wednesday: the possibility that canal water might seep into the dirt on the dry side of the levees, thereby weakening the embankment holding up the floodwalls.

"I'd call it a design omission," said Robert Bea, a University of California at Berkeley civil engineering professor who took part in the study for the National Science Foundation.

The research team found other problems in the city's flood-control system, including evidence of poor maintenance and confusion over jurisdiction.

Bea also questioned the margin for error engineers used in their designs, saying the standards -- which call for structures to be 30% stronger than the force they are meant to stop -- date to the first half of the 1900s, when most levees were built to protect farmland, not major cities.

"The center of New Orleans is certainly not protection of farmland, so the factor of safety was incredibly low," Bea said. "We're talking about thousands of families without homes and shutting down a commercial infrastructure that's pretty darn important to the United States."

While surging waters from the Gulf of Mexico flowed up and over levees east of the city, flooding in central New Orleans and parts of downtown was caused by breaches at barriers along the 17th Street and London Avenue canals, both of which have been built since the late 1980s.

Floodwaters eventually inundated 80 percent of New Orleans and had to be pumped out over weeks because of the city's saucer-like topography.

The UC team is one of three independent teams working with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, the agency responsible for the levees' design and construction, to determine why the barriers failed and make recommendations to repair them.

Corps officials have said the barriers were never intended to withstand a storm as powerful as Katrina. Congress instructed them to build a network of levees and floodwalls that could withstand a Category 3 storm similar to Hurricane Betsy, which flooded New Orleans in 1965. Katrina was a Category 4 hurricane when it came ashore Aug. 29.

But since Katrina's center passed to the east of New Orleans, there is debate as to whether the city experienced more than the equivalent of a Category 3 storm.

Bea said the NSF team believes the Corps has suffered from a lack of funding and technical resources over the years.

Paul Mlakar, an Army Corps of Engineers senior research director, said the Corps shares Bea's concerns.

"He raises an interesting question that needs to be looked at," Mlakar said. "If something wasn't done right, we want to be the first to change and make it right."

Steel-sheet pilings driven into the ground are meant to stop seepage from the wet side of the levee to the dry side and serve as an anchor for the levees' protective, concrete walls. But a number of engineers have said the pilings apparently were not driven deeply enough into the relatively loose, porous soil endemic to southern Louisiana.

The result: Water seeped deep into the ground and destabilized the soil, causing the walls to collapse.

Bea also said that the flood-control system has many jurisdictions involved, and the resulting confusion leaves "no one minding the store."

While the Corps is responsible for levee construction, local levee boards take care of most maintenance. In some cases, the state highway department or railroad companies handle maintenance of floodwalls when their rights of way cross the levee system.

A flood gate near the Industrial Canal, which helped inundate parts of east New Orleans, was missing because of damage caused by a train, Bea said.

The Union Pacific railroad had removed the gate for repairs, and it dispatched employees to fill the gap with sandbags as Katrina approached.

"It didn't hold," Bea said. "There isn't a door, and they've got measly sandbags they're putting in to compensate."

At another canal, the UC group found a levee built to five different elevations by five different agencies.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

What A Difference A Year Makes

Today was Gabby's birthday. I went and found her a nice cake at Walmart which seems to be the only place open in Mississippi on Sunday. We had to decorate the cake ourselves since no one in the bakery department felt like working and everyone was on their lunch break. We sang happy birthday and she opened her gifts and that was great. After her attention was turned towards eating the candle off of the cake, it hit me. On this same day last year there were about 100 people at my house all celebrating my daughter's birthday. Now all those family members and friends are living in other parts of the country and could only bless her with a phone call if they had the new number. Now I didn't expect for every one of her birthdays to have a guest list of 100 people on it. I did expect that at least her grandparents, cousins and people like that would get to come over and play with her while she celebrates. I am thinking how I and the other kids in my family got to grow up around all that love and support from our extended family that kept us going and out of trouble. Things like that are the main reason why I will probably never move on from this event. See, I am one of those people that lived for the moments spent with my friends and family. I always thought that there were better financial and career opportunities in other places and that if I moved to another city I could achieve some of those personal goals. I never did it because the days I got to sit and smoke a cigar with daddy or listen to one of my grandfather's stories was worth more to me then a better paycheck. Now grandpa's dead and daddy is 4 hours away. Some friends have accused me of being pessimistic and focusing too much on the negative. They keep giving me all these reasons why things are so much better now and wherever they went is so much more cleaner and safer than New Orleans and all that kind of stuff. I might concede the cleaner and safer part but nothing is better as far as I am concerned. This might sound like a lack of faith on my part but my brain is just not wired that way. I don't see the silver lining when I am in the middle of the clouds. I can only judge something or someone for what I see at the time. Right now it's all bad as far as I am concerned. Later on down the line when things become clearer I may understand but for now all I see is negative and there is really nothing anyone could do or say to make me feel any different.
A few weeks before Katrina, I sat back and took inventory of everything and realized that no matter what was going on financially or how much I struggled, there was no place and no other group of people I would rather be around to spend my days with. I had just gotten back on track emotionally after my godfather and grandfather's passing and was feeling good. The things I did and the people I did them with could not be measured by any amount of money. I am having a hard time getting over all of those things and all of those people being taking away at the same time. I am not in denial. I know things will never be like they were again for me or anybody else from my city. At this point, I will take Missing Persons calling to tell me they have found my grandmother's body so I can lay her to rest properly. Maybe then my attitude towards the future and the present will change and I can enjoy the holiday season without getting so angry.

Happy Birthday Gabrielle Ellyse Harris

Daddy Loves You

Cheney Adviser Resigns After Indictment - Yahoo! News

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha..............................

I have learned one thing from watching American politics my whole life. No one in the political arena gives up power unless they are guilty as hell. This is going to be so cool to see how Bush, Rove and Cheney put a positive spin on this. Isn't it funny how presidents and governors all seem to fall apart the minute they are elected to their second term? All politicians' job is to get elected no matter how incompetent, unqualified or unworthy they are.

20 Songs That Helped Me Get By

With all this life changing going on from Katrina, I decided to get grounded with myself I would download as much music as I could and just let it go for a few minutes (I know technically that's stealing but since I owned all of this stuff before the water came I feel I have a little credit to cash in). This is my 20 song post Katrina soundtrack.

1. Fire Water - Wild Magnolias
2. Can't Trust It - Public Enemey
3. Unchain My Heart - Ray Charles
4. Love Me Like A Rock - O'Jays
5. The Ruler's Back - Slick Rick
6. Knock With Me- Rock With Me - Lil Rascals Brass Band
7. Black Water - Doobie Brothers
8. Come Get To This - Marvin Gaye
9. Explosive - Dr. Dre
10. What Becomes of the Brokenhearted - Temptations
11. Ike's Rap IV - Isaac Hayes
12. One More Road To Cross - DMX
13. We Can Make It Better - Kanye West
14. My Lover's Prayer - Otis Redding
15. Grand Finale - Lil John
16. Sucker MC's - Run DMC
17. At Last - Etta James
18. Spend Some Time - Brand New Heavies
19. Casanova - Rebirth Brass Band
20. The Do Wop - LL Cool J.

Mind Blowin Volume 23

It's strange how after Katrina nothing really means anything to me anymore outside of health and family. The Saints, money, bills, clothes and all that other stuff is just not registering with me at the moment. It just doesn't seem important. I hope everyone realizes now that none of that stuff ever really was important to begin with.

Anybody that says they are better off after this whole ordeal is lying to themselves. You may be in a better house and might have a better job or maybe your rent paid for awhile but the whole scenario is still bullshit. You should have been able to have that anyway without your house being washed away.

If Harried Miers can be nominated to the highest court in the land without ever being a judge, then I can be hired as the New Orleans School Board superintendent without ever being a teacher. If that's not looking out for your friends then I don't know what is. First Michael Brown and now this. She did the right thing by withdrawing her name.

I was ready to put the FEMA fiasco behind me and focus on the rebuilding. Then I heard that while the beloved people of my city were starving and dying from the heat, Mike was sitting in Baton Rouge eating his gumbo and chilling even after he was told by his subordinates that they were running out of supplies. Somebody in the federal government has to pay for this kind of shit. It's either that or one hundred thousand dollars to every household of the city. Free rent and a furniture voucher just doesn't cut it.

Who is going to go to jail from the CIA leak investigation? Nobody is probably going to jail but I would sure like if if Karl Rove at least had to resign. People don't realize that whenever you hear George Bush speak, you are basically hearing Karl Rove. It's going to be a long three years if Rove is not their to help his ass.

I don't know what's more frustrating, the fact that the local, state, and federal government all failed me during Katrina, or the fact that I didn't vote for the current mayor, governor, or president.

Sheryl Swoopes coming out of the closet is not good for women's basketball. I think it's good for her personally that she came out but it's bad for the WNBA. Those middle class suburban parents that buy tickets are not going to want to send their daughters to a game they think is going to promote homosexuality to their daughters. This is the reason why male sports leagues in this country will never promote a gay star.







I knew the Minnesota Vikings were going to get in trouble for the sex cruise when I heard the strippers were from Atlanta. You can't bring that Dirty South buckwild action that far up north and think it's going to go over well. The Saints could have that same party once a month in New Orleans and no one would say nothing as long as everyone stays alive.

I know I am from the south and I can't make fun of anyone this close to New Orleans but why are there so many people in this region that like the Laffy Taffy song. I just Rosa Parks never got to hear this song by mistake before she passed. As a matter of fact, I hope she didn't get to hear any hip hop made in the last five years.

Civil Rights Pioneer Rosa Parks Dies at 92

The Things I Can't Replace

Now I know I said that I was going to start talking about other things again but this Katrina event has me twisted real bad. I want to start writing about other things again but I never thought there would be one event that change every single thing in my life. I mean it changed everything. I have to keep talking about it because everything I do and see is effected by it. With that being said, I lost allot of material things in this storm. Most of them like my car, furniture and pool table I can replace. There are some other things I can't put a price on. Things that I either acquired over time out of love or were given to me do not have a price tag on them.

* The box from the hospital after losing my first baby.

I wanted to get that box when I went home real bad. I never look it in or touch it but that was a way of acknowledging her. The nurses and doctors at Touro Hospital were so friendly and professional that they made one of the worst moments of life allot easier to deal with.

* My Angel painting.

Right around the time of the baby's passing, I was at a gas station about to go in and buy me a drink when a man with two little twin girls came up to me. He told me they were his grandchildren and were hungry. He was trying to get some money for them by selling these hand drawn pictures he had made. He offered me a picture of this little angel. The eyes on the picture looked straight at you. I gave him the twenty dollars I was spending on the bottle and hung the picture up on my wall. It had been there ever since.

* My Video Tape Collection
What made my video tape collection special to me was the fact that I had been making the tapes since I was 14 years old(the first time we had a VCR). There were two categories. There was my wrestling tapes which were mostly hand made from shows I had watched and recorded whenever they would come on TV. There were about 50 of them. Then there were about 20 tapes of all kinds of television events and videos that I may not be able to buy or will come on again. One of my short term goals was to buy myself one of those VHS/DVD recorders and transfer them all to disc to protect them from wearing out. I never got the chance. I don't think I will be able to get back the WYLD talent show performance with my friend Joe's group or the recording of myself on television.

* Source Magazines 1992-1997

Between 1991 and 1997 I was totally into the culture. I discovered the Source magazine at Tower Records and after that for 5 years straight I was there the first Tuesday of every month to get the new edition. These were the years before they lost all relevance. I didn't buy them like I used to but since I am such a nostalgic guy and believe in having mementos around, I kept these in mint condition on my shelf. I was going to see how many years I could keep them. I wanted to show them to my kids when they were older to show them how real the music and the culture used to be for some people. By the way, just because the storm came doesn't mean I didn't notice they gave Lil Kim five mics either. What was up with that?

* My Vinyl Albums
Once again, I am a old school and nostalgic guy. I also love the sound of old records. One of the things I was proud to have was my album collection. The biggest reason is that I didn't pay for one single album. All the albums I had were either found somewhere or were given to me by my godmother, parents or my auntie Lenell. I had been looking at some of these albums since a little boy hoping one day they would be mine. I finally got them all and then they went swimming. I know I can't I can't put a price on any of these. I was just about to go and start the hustling process to get the ones from my auntie Anna.

* Letters, Cards, and Pictures

This is probably the most personal and irreplaceable thing. I kept every birthday, Valentine's Day and all kinds of other items like this. I guess you can tell by now that I hardly threw anything away. A few items I definitely would have brought with me if I knew this was coming. I would have brought the pictures of all my deceased high school friends with me. I would have bought the Christmas cards given to me by Kendra and Nicole in high school because they were a surprise to me. They were hand written notes inside of them. I definitely would have taken the birthday card my sister Michelle gave to me this year. She made it and wrote the words herself. It choked me up beyond belief. I can never get any of these things back.

It's losing stuff like this that gives me mixed emotions about going back home sometimes. The fact of the matter is that besides the few pictures I salvaged and what was in my wallet there is nothing from the first 30 years of my life. That's the hardest part about rebuilding. You can replace wood, brick and furniture. You can't replace my deceased Aunt's tea kettle I had or the only picture Tara had of her grandmother that used to sit near the fish tank. I could go on and on about things like this. You can't file an insurance claim for that type of stuff. Those items had unlimited value even if it was only to the person that had it.

Before I write anything else I have to send a shout out to the Mrs. Harris that keeps leaving me those wonderful comments. I want to say thanks and I finally realized that you were not my mama acting like a stranger. :-)

This is the beginning of a new week and hopefully a new outlook for me. I have to start getting things together and moving on. Two months of sitting around is long enough. I am going to go crazy if I just sit here and ponder the past and the future every day without making a move. The first things on the agenda for me are simple things.

• Get a birth certificate.
• Write a resume.
• Get some interview clothes.
• Reorganize my finances.
• Stop drinking beer all day long.

The last one is the hardest because when you are bored as I am and getting paid, there is nothing else to do during the day. I have to get out of this house.

I need to apologize to Tom Benson for wanting to move the Saints. If you think about it, how can we be mad at him when 40% of the people that lived in the city are not returning to assist in the rebuilding themselves? In order for me to be mad at Tom Benson, I would have to be mad at my parents, family, the majority of my friends and myself. I say let them go and lets not spend that money that we need in other places to keep them. The city and state have so much on their plate that they shouldn’t even have enough time to pay attention to the Saints anyway. We need hospitals, schools, and all kinds of stuff before we can worry about going to a football game.

The Jackson area is alright and the people are actually friendlier than the ones in New Orleans but how come you can’t get anyone in this place to give you accurate directions to anywhere……And why is everything in the phone book in a different place that was is listed in there?

I see the same things happening around here in Jackson that happened to New Orleans. The suburb here is growing by leaps and bounds. Eventually, no one will do anything in Jackson but work and leave. Their only saving grace is that life is a little slower and simple than most inner cities and they might be able to survive the tax base erosion.

I have spent the last two months being consumed by Katrina. I have never let one thing take over my every thought like this. Starting today, I need to see what else is going on in the world.

Chillin in Clinton

Well, I am now in an apartment in Clinton, Mississippi. I guess it's ok. It's real quiet and deers sit out next to the road on the way to the complex. I finally realized just how much of a hardcore New Orleans guy I was. The urge to go cruising to find a jazz band playing or a hole in the wall barroom is strong. I will just have to deal with that from this apartment because this area doesn't look like the cruising type. I have to start paying attention to other things going on in my life and in the world. Every day and every thought can't be about Katrina. I will try my best to let other things in. I think it's needed.