I have been getting sloppy lately. When I first accepted the position of coordinator for the system that I work with I was so gung ho about having a title for the first time in years that I put allot into it. I even took over doing the trainings and meetings around the area. It was sort of a way to get away from things going on personally. I did a great job and I have a excellent reputation in my line of work. If I got paid based on my reputation and image I would be at seven figures, but somewhere along the line I stopped being focused. Maybe all the compliments and good will lulled me into a false sense of security and stopped paying attention to detail. Maybe it's my insomnia or my constant post Katrina hangover that gets worse every time I realize everything about my life was better before and things basically suck at the moment and I see no positives. Whatever the reason is doesn’t matter.. I have not been doing my job that well at all the past few months.My favorite part of work is teaching classes. It's a rush to stand in front of people and help then learn what you already know. I took it so seriously that I would prepare the equipment two days in advance and would actually plan out everything I was going to say down to my opening joke. The last few have been horrible. I have not been ready. Yesterday I forgot to log on the computers so everyone sat in front of a blank screen. I even skipped and entire step on one of the procedures. This morning I was reading some documents that users have to sign before I can let them use the system. There was a brother in there that stopped me on the first page and asked a very valid question about a procedure that I should have been able to explain.
I couldn't answer him.
I made up some stuff that sounded like it might be correct but actually he had me at a lost for words. My explanation was so bad that other trainees started adding on to his question and I wanted to jump out of the glass doors and cancel the whole damn thing. There were about three more times today where I really couldn't formulate my answer to user questions. I knew the answers but I wasn't focused enough to get it out. Today was the first class who left one of my trainings that could legitimately ask if I know what the hell I am doing. That drives a egomaniacal dude with a Napoleon complex like me crazy. The brother that started all of the debate earlier probably thought I was pissed at him. When I let everyone out for lunch I shook his hand and thanked him. I thanked him for being sharp enough to pick up on the discrepancy in what I was saying and for being the one that finally made me realize I have to get my act together. Once the class was over, I went back to my desk, opened my notepad and wrote the following words inside of the front cover......THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! Even with all the stress, I still have to represent my name.