Sitting On My Porch Part VI

I am writing this edition drinking a long island tea and waiting for the Suns/Lakers game to come on. Please add drive through daiquiri shops as reason number 343 why I don’t want to leave the city. I am not ashamed to say that I am a Shaq apologist. Even if he plays ten minutes and runs out of breath I will only harp on his one dunk. I like how the analyst talk about Shaq not being able to run like he works in a coal mine or something. If Shaq came to a pick up game he would not only dominate, we would all be scared of him. Anyone who has negative words about Shaq, Iverson, Kobe, Donovan Mcnabb, Chris Paul, Drew Brees or Stephen A. Smith is no longer allowed to read this blog. There is an open invitation to talk about Tony Romo, Tracy McGrady, or any Atlanta Falcons except for Warrick Dunn. Why does the media like to keep black male beef going? Didn’t Shaq and Kobe kill that two years ago?

They have started tearing down the C.J. Peete and the St. Bernard housing projects. I feel safer already. All this time I thought lack of quality education and disenfranchisement was the reason for the amount of crime in the city. It turns out that living in a brick building instead of a new wood one with light colored paint was the reason. Way to go City Council! If we tear down every brick building in the city we can have a utopia.

I would like to thank Jefferson Parish for proving this area is 40 years behind in race relations. I think it's funny how some people get so upset when accused of playing the race card but stuff like this comes up. Here is an idea, since all the schools in question are public, how about if we make a pledge for all of them to receive equal funding and resources. That way a parent won't feel the need to send their kids 10 miles away just for computer access and new books. It won't matter where any kid of any color goes. We can call the plan No Child Left Behind. Wait........nevermind.

This question may seem out of place where I have it but how many black women from New Orleans are nicknamed Keedy, Teedy or Deedy? I have two in my family and know three more. Is there a local historian who can tell me when this tradition started? My nanny is 60 and that’s her nickname so I know it’s at least that old. I think I just created the next PBS special for Black History Month. African American Nicknames: From Pookie to Teedy.

This city has to be the only place your social agenda can swing far left to far right in a one block radius. You can literally be on one corner, see a homeless guy and think to yourself “I need to get out and give that guy my jacket and money for a meal. Katrina really did him in” ; then go to the next corner see another guy and roll down your window to yell out “get up and go to work you lazy bastard”. That sounds harsh but it really is that bad. Somedays I drive up Claiborne Avenue and get depressed. Other days I want to find out where the hell all those extra tents come from.

I have been working out lately and it’s a weird feeling when your body starts to come back to you after years of abuse. I can tell you this. If your body would hurt as much getting out of shape as it does getting back in shape no one would ever gain weight. Exercise is biology's sick joke on the people who like to eat.

Have you seen the video of the young sister in Texas dunking the basketball? If I see her on the playground where I am playing I am catching a charlie horse. No teenage girl is going to embarrass me.

They also played one of those Before the Dinosaurs shows where they show all the pre-historic creatures. I am all into science and everything but some of that stuff is crazy. How do they know that a group of giant scorpions chased a school of walking fish into a pool of desert water. I wonder if someone is going to find my bones a million years from now and can tell what I did. If they do my name will be Clifferous Crowndrinkerous. I challenge anyone that reads this to come up with their own name.

The last few weeks recent events in the country have made me a little confused about how I view the state of the country. When a wave of optimism takes over it makes you wonder to yourself if you are missing something. Today I took the long way home. I went through Central city then mid city. I went through the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th Ward. Then I hit Gentilly, the Ninth Ward and finally New Orleans East. I realized that not only is my opinion justified, I might have been too nice.

The video below is dedicated to me because it’s my favorite hip hop song of all time.