Heart vs. Brain
I just don't know what to do. My job isn't the same. No one is inspired to do anything. All the energy and effort has been sucked out of us and all the agencies we work with thanks to the level of destruction the water caused. I am not sure how much longer this job will be a viable option for me to maintain and achieve all the things I want to do. Maybe I need to look elsewhere. It doesn't appear that significant progress going on that assures I can live where and how I want down here. I can't even find a decent house in the hood for rent. For my career, my surroundings, my kids and my sanity, it makes total logical since to sharpen up that resume, get it out over the internet and see what comes back from other places. I don't want to live somewhere else forever. Maybe in a few years when things turning around a little I can come back and be more comfortable. Right now, I don't feel like I am not putting myself in the best situation to live prosperous.
How can I walk away? Even if I left and started over somewhere else I would never consider myself anything but a long term visitor in that place. I am so hardcore that I refuse to have an address in Louisiana that doesn't say "New Orleans" on it. I don't want to live in Metairie, or Kenner or Mandeville. I want to live in my city. I hate leaving here on the weekends. It feels like I am leaving a love one. One of the main reasons I came back so quickly was because I refuse to go down without a fight. I want to look my grandchildren in the eye and say "I was here when the turnaround happened". That would mean the world to me. My job is secure for the rest of this year and I know that I can most likely get another one in the city when I need to. I love it and I am not leaving.
This is a taste of what goes through my mind all day everyday while I am in New Orleans.