Friday, February 17, 2006

The Happy Project

All week I have been sitting around and laying around trying to figure out how to think. See, I am down here in New Orleans trying to get a form of normal life started again. I am driving back and forth on the weekends to the family in Mississippi. I spend most of my time alone in my office staring a laptop screen trying to tell myself that it's all good. I don't have a home of my own yet. I am just starting now to deal with FEMA. The car I bought is starting to take a pounding from these ragged New Orleans streets so I am hoping it doesn't die on me somewhere between here and Jackson. I won't discuss the fact that my grandmother's remains are still sitting in a freezer, I miss my dog who I haven't seen since the storm, and I feel so cursed living with my friend who has every single thing he had before Katrina. When you add all the additional bullshit that comes along throughout the week like half of the staff of my team at work resigning, it all ends up making you think to yourself that it might not have been such a bad thing if daddy and mommy had a box of Lifestyles that night they made you.

Then after all that you have to wake up and find a way to make yourself smile. Someone asked me this week what makes me happy and I could not answer. The reason I couldn't is because honestly right now I don't know if anything truly does. I don't like it that way but it's the truth. I am always so melancholy. All next week will be nothing but things that make me happy or things that are positive. I will not say anything negative about anyone even if Dick Cheney gets drunk again and shoots one of his boys like Bishop did in Juice.

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