Friday, June 24, 2005

Breaking the Man Code....Things Women Should Know

I have been having conversations with women about their relationships lately and I am starting to feel kind of bad. Why? Because they all seem to be having problems trying to figure out certain things about men and how we think. With that in mind, I am about to do something I swore I would never do. I am about to break the code of silence and let all the women that may happen to stumble upon my blog into the inner workings of a man's mind. If you pay attention to the following things and apply them correctly you will be on the road to less argument and frustration.

Lesson 1 : We Don't Want to Always Share our Opinions Immediately
Ladies, how many times have you told your man a story and he just looked at you afterwards and started watching TV? If this happens do not be alarmed. He heard what you said and he understood. He just doesn't feel like commenting on the situation at the time. There are several reasons he may not want to comment. He may want to surprise you and take care of it for you. He may still be thinking over what you said and doesn't want to give his first reaction. Or, he may know that if he doesn't agree with you it will start an argument and the game is about to come on. It's better in our opinion for you to be mad from silence then mad from our opinion. The next time this happens, wait a few hours and then ask again. He should be ready with his comment by that time.

Lesson 2 : We Are Not Planning on Having a Relationship with Every Woman We Date
Ladies, sometimes a man sees an attractive woman and starts talking to her he is not looking for a wife or a girlfriend. Single men like to go out and have a good time with a good looking woman. There is no guarantee that he is going to take you out again or even call you the day afterwards. The problem some women have is that they assume that if they tell a man they are looking for commitment and he still takes them out that means he is looking for the same thing. This is not true. If you meet a man, and you are searching for a husband ask him what he is looking for. If he says he is just trying to have fun, don't go out with him. If you do, it is not his fault if you feel like you got played at the end. It's yours because he told you and you still went.

Lesson 3 : Sex Alone Will Not Keep Us Happy
All I will say about this is that you can't be mean, arrogant, uncooperative, offer no support, selfish, and lazy and think that just because you are good in bed a man is going to want to stay there with you. The physical need for a man is so great that he can be with you and detach emotionally. Don't think your skills will win his heart. You would do allot better waiting awhile and letting us get to know you as a woman and a friend. We are less likely to be able to just get up and move on at that point. Some dialog and time might even let you know if you even want to be bothered with him in the first place. If you are in a relationship with somebody, eventually you will have to have some other strong points besides the body.

Lesson 4 : Don't Take it Personal if We Want to Deal with Certain Things on our Own
We are men. We have been raised to be strong and take care of things. If we have a personal issue and close you out leave us be. If we need you we will tell you. I understand it's your nature to want to take care of us but respect our nature and give us some space. It doesn't matter if you have a better idea of how to handle something than we do. A man needs to try and fail every now and then to build some character. Just let him try to handle it first and then step in if the ship starts sinking. You ladies get too frustrated when you are trying to help or find out what's wrong and we won't let you in. It's not a reflection of how we feel about you. We are just trying to be strong for ourselves. When we need you we will let you know. Stay close by and ready.

Lesson 5 : If You Know What you Want In A Man, Get It From the Beginning Because We Won't Change
I saved this one for last because it's the number one problem I see. Ladies, if you meet a man that has never held a job, he probably won't become a CEO anytime soon. If you meet a man that has been to jail for domestic violence, it's a pretty safe bet that if you make him angry he is going to go out like Joe Frazier and knock you out. The point is that you need to find what you want from the beginning and eliminate the stress of waiting for the frog to turn into your prince. That only happened in the book. You might find this hard to believe, but men do this all the time. If a man is with a fast, wild woman that is what he wants at that time. He knows pretty much knows that she is not going to be a housewife. If a man dates a woman that works all the time and is not domestic, he knows it. I bet you he won't be buying her an apron for her birthday. The error women make is they look for a man that fits what they want externally and then they try to change him internally. Men have long figured out that sometimes when you want certain physical attributes in a woman, you have to let some mental and intellectual things slide. That's why we don't get hurt as much. If we dated her because she has nice legs and breast, we don't care what her reading list is. It doesn't even matter if she can read at all. We know what she is there for. Women go out and find the most sculptured, GQ looking man that is dumb as a bag of bricks and then turn around and expect him to write speeches and books like W.E.B. Dubois and Langston Hughes. Sure, there are some brothers who are both physically and mentally enhanced but find that out before you make the decision to let him into your world. You can't waste good years of your life thinking you have Cliff Huxtable and deep down you know you have Albert from the Color Purple. The signs are always there. You ladies just didn't pay attention to them.

These rules do not apply to men that have the following characteristics; tattoo tears, more than three gold teeth, two strikes on their record, pants that hang low enough to see their drawers, no knowledge of where their kids are and not knowing who the mayor, governor, or president are. The only rule for these fools is to stay away at all cost.

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