Friday, June 17, 2011

Sitting On My Porch Part Sixty Seven

Vacation is the bomb. I have no idea why I don’t stay home more often but I am going to. I really don’t want to work at all. I think it would be great just to sit here all day and start cocktails at noon. That’s the way my life is headed as soon as I figure out how to replace my paycheck.

I don’t want anyone to worry about me becoming a slacker who expects the government to take care of him. I won’t quit my job until I find a bag of money or win the lottery. That way Americans don’t have to worry about feeding my family and adding to the deficit. I know the Republican Leadership Conference is in town and they wouldn’t take too kindly to the anti American behavior of needing help. I want to tell all of my elected leaders know that I will do my part to pay all of my bills no matter how much they rise for no reason and never expect anything.

It took years to come to the realization that the constant struggle to maintain financially was going to be part of my life forever. I tried to resist it and speak out on it but the evidence was overwhelming. I live in a broke city, a broke state and a broke country. In all three of those levels there are citizens that are the angriest at the people on the bottom who have the least like that’s where we spend all the money. Even after we cut what they get the deficit gets higher and people still blame them. I figure since that’s what everyone thinks and since the president kept most of the policies in place from the guy before him, nothing is going to change anytime soon and I need to be mentally prepared. Why should I drive myself crazy being frustrated? I might as well suck it up and get prepared for the day my job is eliminated by a budget cut.

The sooner everyone accepts this is the quicker we can focus all of our attention on something really important like the NFL lockout and the potential cancellation of the Saints and Packers Thursday night opening game extravaganza. I’m calling it the Small Market Champions Showdown. They need to get this deal done. A lot of fans have sided with the owners since the lockout. We’ll see how you feel when tickets, parking, and concessions still go up because they all want to “stay competitive”.

I wasn’t going to talk about Anthony Weiner but I can’t help myself since he stepped down. I know a little bit about doing dumb guy things. I have a few dumb things on my resume when it comes to women. When it’s all said and done I think he has to go down in history as one of the dumbest guys ever because he ruined a career without even actually touching a woman. Anthony Weiner shows what can happen when man works out too much and starts feeling himself. He should have left the P90X alone and stayed off the internet.

There was a time when Congressman Weiner could have gotten away with the stuff he was doing. The internet used to be a lot more taboo and not everyone had access to it. You could probably find a few “friends” and send them pictures of you getting out of the shower if you could figure out how to save them to your desktop with Windows 98. These days things are different. I can access anything in the world from my phone. We have stuff like Facebook, Twitter, and Google. Now when I go to YouTube it asks me if I want to click on all the pages from my Gmail contacts. My Flickr account is attached to my Yahoo ID and if you don’t make your pictures private the whole world can see them whether I want them to or not. I know so much more about my friends and family thanks to Twitter and Facebook that I am anticipating a day where there’s a pushback to them after breaking up so many relationships that people stop logging in to their sites in record numbers and start a recession. The internet is the last place a congressman should be living out his wild side so for that he goes to the main room of the dumb guy hall of fame. He doesn’t get the top spot however. Tiger Woods has that and it will be hard to dethrone him.


Anita said...

This is one of my favorites of your Porch series, although I always think they're special. Have a good weekend!

Anonymous said...


I luv ya.

Let me suggest that the money "helping" the poor is largely supporting the "Poverty Industry".

That is paying the bureaucrats and NGO's in charge of the "programs".

If there were no poor people, they would be out of a job.