Sitting on My Porch Part Thirty Three

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. It’s a good way to save your serious energy for real problems. You can’t go off the deep end for everything. For instance, last week when I split my favorite pair of pants bending down to pick up something at work three things ran through my mind. The first thing was I need to stop buying my work pants from the thrift store because my thighs are too big. The second thing I thought about was how much that reminded me of my dad and the third thing was it’s a good thing I stopped wearing underwear from Frederick's of Hollywood like the good old days. Wal-Mart brand is a lot more comfortable when you are walking slowly and carefully to contain the split to unseen areas.

Is it still safe to carry my Acorn card? After years of fighting for the working poor it appears that a fake pimp and teenage prostitute are going to take them down. This would sit a lot better with me if the pimp wasn’t so fake looking. Shouldn’t he have stuck out like a sore thumb in those neighborhoods? It’s not like many guys of any color are walking around like that. I would have understood if that happened in the New Orleans ACORN office because in that neighborhood there are guys that walk their dogs dressed like that.

I would like to send some love out to all my people in the Atlanta area dealing with that water. Let’s hope for a few dry days. I hope your insurance companies treat you better than they did us.

When you start to fix your houses beware of people like Terry Ferguson. He just received 21 years in prison for fraud after stealing money from homeowners who hired him for rebuilding work after Katrina. I hope they send him to Angola and use him to test how mean the rodeo bulls are.

Have things been so bad for the city and Mayor Nagin the last four years that no one wants to be the new mayor? The population is slowly going up, there should be big projects taking off, the Saints deal is done, and even the crazy school system is making some improvement. I can’t believe all these career politicians are choosing not to step in and take credit for some of these things. They have to know something we don’t. It’s either that or we have investigated our way into scaring off everyone. I hope things start happening fast because I am holding back all my quality mayor’s race material.

Meanwhile James Perry is running and can’t get any media attention at all. He even tried filing an injunction against the mayor’s office and no one really cared. I have an idea for him out of the conservative talk show playbook. He needs to hold a press conference and accuse the local media of not covering his campaign because he’s white. That kind of stunt may confuse his family and friends as well as everyone in the city that knows him but I bet you people will want to know who he is after that. We live in an era of media stunts and twisted information so James might as well use it to his advantage.

James may be a good candidate provided he is the only person from his neighborhood that made it. You can’t have any family members, friends, or people you went to school with that have any desire to do business with the city. It appears that this is everyone’s number one concern. That would be my slogan if I ran. ‘Vote for me. None of my friends qualify for anything!’

Hey….Has anyone else noticed that since Senator Baucus introduced his health care package that didn’t have a public option the passion and anger from most of your Republican friends has damn near went mute in the last week?

I am happy to see all the workers getting paid from all the road work going on around New Orleans. I am glad they are making good money in spite of the fact they are wasting their time. There will never be smooth roads in this city because it’s hot as hell and full of moisture. As soon as they fix a road it buckles by the next summer. Even if they fix those main roads there are still the side streets with holes that will swallow a car. It doesn’t matter, as long as there is positive activity I am down with it.

Lamar Odom hasn’t learned anything about an athlete’s career after they get with a Kardashian. Someone needs to send him the Reggie Bush’s career track so far. It’s a big week again for Reggie. Mike Bell is hurt and Pierre Thomas is getting over a knee injury. Lynell Hamilton is a decent player but I am not sure how much confidence Sean Payton has in him. That means that Reggie will get more of the carries in Buffalo. I was going to try some reverse psychology and put a Ray J clip up here but I don’t like that guy so my fingers wouldn’t let me search for any of his videos. I found this clip instead and this is the Reggie Bush inspirational music for the week. I don’t care if I am the last man on the bandwagon. If Reggie gets going we are unstoppable. This week’s prediction: Saints 31 Bills 21. I love scoring points but that defense really needs to shut someone down before I feel totally hyped up about the season.