Saturday, November 26, 2005




Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Holiday Perspective

This is my last post until December. It has taken me all day to stop crying enough to write this. Thursday is Thanksgiving. Most of you will be sitting around the table with your love ones having a good time. While you are filling your stomach I want you to look around and ask yourself a question. Is there anything I want to do with or say to the people at this table? If the answer is yes then you better get to it. This is not a negative post. See, many black people talk about all the things and people they were missing in their life. I never had that problem. The truth of the matter is that for 30 years I had the greatest people around me. I never had to look for my daddy or wonder if he loved me. I was treated like a king by my grandparents, aunts, uncles and everyone else. I have nothing to be sad about. This will be the first Thanksgiving I have spent away from my parents and the rest of my family. I was sad about that but then I thought that our bonds is so strong and the memories is so deep that I am way ahead of most people in the family department. It's hard. I still don't know where my grandmother is. I went to today for DNA test and I am hoping everything is fine. Even if it isn't fine I can lay my head down every night for the rest of my life knowing one thing. That woman loved me beyond words. If I see her again in this life or the next one that will never change. I am not going to have the pity party and sit around all day Thursday feeling sorry for myself because tragic things have happened the last few months. See, I owe it to all the people that love me to make sure I take the love I carry with me and transfer that into my children for the rest of their lives. That's the cycle we as a people should be trying to carry on. Happy Thanksgiving grandma, grandpa, Uncle Leroy, Aunt Shirley, Lil Brother, Uncle Bunk and Auntie Debra. I hope you are all near one another waiting for the rest of us.

To all the people who may read this, take time and recognize the good things and the people in your life you care about. Make sure you have some good times to remember. Play with your kids. Talk to your parents. Dance with your grandparents if you still have them. Don't let it all end with regrets. I don't have any. If I had to do it all over again in the same place and at the same time I would.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

24 Hours....An Original Piece By Me

24 Hours

12:00 AM
Can't sleep
Been tripping since you hung up the phone
I am calling again
Your voice makes it worse
Can you come over?
I know you have a meeting in the morning.
We don't even have to do anything
Just lay there
We have been spending time with each other for 4 months
She has stayed here three times
We still haven't done it

4:00 AM
Your body is warm.
I made a promise not to touch
Maybe I'll just rub her thighs and pretend I was sleeping
Oh my goodness she turned around
Her leg is on top of me.
She is moving it up and down
I know she feels me.
It’s not right to tease
How important is this meeting?

8:00 AM
She left early for work.
I can't believe I made it through the night
I don't want to mess up my chances
I wanted her to call in today
Damn professional women
There's a note on the dresser
she's coming back for eight.
I didn't even have to ask
I don't get off work until 6
I think I am leaving early
Her scent is still on my sheets.

12:00 PM
I can't wait until eight
I want to see you now
Let’s meet for lunch
You know the place
I'll stop and get you something
I know it’s raining
That makes it better.
Every time I see her she looks better
I have to stop staring
She might think I am losing it
I think I am

4:00 PM
Lunch was good
I can't believe a woman like her wants to be with me
I feel confident
Makes me want to hold her
I know she really likes me too
I am leaving work early.
I need to prepare
This might be the night
I think I will cook her something special
Who can work with someone like her on the brain anyway?
She just called me
Didn't want anything
Just wanted me to make her laugh
I am clocking out now

8:00 PM
Dinner is ready
Wine is chilled
I'm nervous
She just drove up
I left the door unlocked
That's a nice raincoat
Let me hang it up for you
Oh my!
There is nothing underneath
She doesn't want to eat dinner
She has decided I can have her
Now my heart is pounding
No time to walk all the way to the bedroom
The sofa is closer
I bought some things from the store but I am not going to use them
That stuff will just mess up your taste
I told you I was good
What did you ask me?
How do I want it?
Put your leg right there
Can you keep your balance?
I'll hold you up.
I feel like a teenager
Don't even need a break
Slow down
When you move like that I have a hard time holding back
It's yours!
Don't touch me for a few minutes

11:59 PM
What a day
Well worth the wait
I think that she thinks I am sprung
I think that she might be right
Now that we have crossed the line

What happens tomorrow?


50 Cent to Launch Hip-Hop Book Line - Yahoo! News

50 Cent to Launch Hip-Hop Book Line - Yahoo! News

You have to give it to Mr. Jackson. He really cares. Not only can young people get a healthy dose of ignorance and black on black crime through his CD's, videos and that unhealthy movie, they can now also get it while learning subject/verb agreement. Didn't Donald Goines write these books already? I guess I should wait for Nelly's Tip Drill Coloring Book for the kids.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Big Easy is Calling Me

Yesterday I decided to finally get out of this apartment and take a walk. The complex has a swing set and some ladders for the kids so I took my daughter over there to play. She had fun and so did I put since you can't really hold an intelligent conversation with a two year old throwing dirt, I had allot of time to think. I was thinking about how comfortable I felt being there with her helping her down the slide but at the same I wanted to get out and do something on my own later and there was nothing I could think of doing. I miss New Orleans. I miss my lifestyle. I am realizing that I am just not designed for living in quiet areas. I grew up on the avenue across the street from bar rooms and pool halls. That's not the most productive enviroment but it always spured something in me. I do realize that the life and places I knew in the city are not the same now and never will be. I have mixed emotions about relocation. With each passing day my plans to go back home or stay here become more and more confusing. There are so many reasons to stay and so many reasons to go back. In six months I will make that decision. Right now, it looks like the bayou is calling. Call me a fool but I love the place and after 31 years I am willing to give it a second chance to get it right. If there is anyone out there that is reading this and is homesick or ready to go home, don't feel bad or strange about it. It's not wrong to want to live where you are from. Every other American has the option to do that if they choose to. It's only us that everyone thinks should be happy to be somewhere else. I'm not going to settle for not having the choice to go back.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Terry McMillan was on Oprah yesterday with her gay husband discussing her marriage. I was surprise to see that they were still spending time together. Terry was really whipped by this guy. What was Oprah doing promoting this DL brother on her show. I know Terry McMillan is a friend of hers and everything and she wanted to put her on to tell her story. However, I was really upset when Oprah, Terry and the crowd all thought it was cute that her and this guy were still messing around. There are millions of black women getting sick because guys like him want to live both ways. We should not be promoting this on national TV.

If I hear one more black dude call a sports radio station and defend Terrell Owens for speaking his mind I am going to throw up. Let me tell you something, the only man in a company that can say anything he wants without nothing happening is the owner. All you little kids that think you can do this at your job and keep working will get sent home just like T.O. did. As long as another man's name is on the bottom of your check you really have no power. Let Terrell be your role model. Go to work, tell everyone your boss has no class and lets see what happens.

I am getting older and losing my touch with the younger generation. This was made apparent to me when I watched 106 and Park yesterday. At least Free and A&J had a little maturity. Tigger laughs at everything. The other little skinny girl looks like she is about to blow away. I have two observations about most music of today. The first one is that when I was coming up rappers and singers always looked different. R&B singers always dressed nice and hair their hair done in some shiny hairstyle. Rappers wore the t-shirts and jogging suits. Now, everybody looks the same on TV. A singer looks just like a gangster rapper. What happened to showmanship. The second thing is this.................If an alien spaceship landed on Earth and only had BET to watch and learn about black people, they would think that all black women were 120 lbs, had a weave, and shook their ass all day. They would also think that all black men had platinum teeth, 20 women and none of us spoke proper English. We need some balance. I am not going to sit here and say I wouldn't blast some Ying Yang Twins and Mike Jones because I do. I also find the time to get in a little Jean Grae and Sage Francis. If you don't know who either of those people are then you just made my point.

Wednesday, November 9, 2005


I finally decided to take my lazy ass over to the gym of this apartment complex and start working off this post Katrina drinking binge. I was riding the exercise bike when this lady walked in. I figured I should say hello since it was just me and her and I like to always make white women calm if I am ever in a situation that has us alone. We ended up having a good 30 minute conversation. Her name was Katie. I answered all the standard questions about New Orleans and the flood and she told me she was a veterinarian. This is when I got jealous of her. Now, I don't want to be a veterinarian. Black people from New Orleans only really like their own pets and some of them catch hell. I was jealous of Katie because she told me that she wanted to be a veterinarian since she was 6 years old and never wanted to do anything different. Her passion for animals is so great she made it through all the outside influences to do what she loves. She told me that she would even do it for nothing if she couldn't make money because she is that dedicated to it. The reason I was jealous is because I am 31 years old and can't think of anything that I have an interest in that deeply. My attention span is so short that even my dreams change every 20 minutes when I am sleeping. I am paying back loans now for education in a field that I can't stand. I don't know if I have a passion for anything. Some people do have a passion for something but they don't pursue it because they think it won't pay enough. How does one develop a passion for something so deep that they can't see themselves doing anything else in life regardless of how much cash they will make. I asked Katie and she really didn't know how it happened to her. All she remembers is that growing up she wanted to be around every animal she seen. Maybe it's natural. Maybe you grow into it. It is my belief that people with passion for what they are doing are far more happy than the rest of us because their actions are not guided by money alone. How many of us are at work everyday miserable because we have this dream or plan to do something different but we never take the steps to make it happen? We justify our normal, unfulfilled lives by our paychecks, the bills we need to pay and what kind of cars we drive but in reality most of us are sitting around daydreaming about that one thing that we wish we could do just to be happy with ourselves even if it never made us rich. Katie has that and I could tell that her mind was free from all the doubt and second guessing that comes from chasing money and status instead of your passion in life. My challenge for myself now is trying to get to that place.

Do you know what your passion is?

Sunday, November 6, 2005

If I Felt Like Writing

I don't feel like sitting here and writing about anything. I just can't focus on one topic too long at the moment. If I did feel like writing, what would I write about?

I would write about the fact that after you have lived in New Orleans your whole life, any other city you go to will seem dead once it gets dark.

I would write about how funny it was to see all those republicans at Rosa Parks funeral knowing some of them would vote against everything she fought for.

I would write that with all the issues with hurricanes, Supreme Court nominations and grand jury investigations going on, not enough attention was given to the fact that October was the 4th highest total for casualties in Iraq and that is after the election for the constitution has taken place.

I would ask the question why don't they just kill all the birds they think may be able to carry the avian flu and get it over with.

I would write that even though they are victims of the storm, there is no way the Saints should be 2-7.

I would write about how stupid it is to go back with a category 3 level levee around the city after seeing what just happened.

I would write that the attitude of my family and friends about never returning to New Orleans is much greater than I ever expected and it is changing my attitude about going back.

I would write how I was 90% sure I was returning and now that is down to 50.

I would write that anyone that tells me I need to start moving on is forgetting the fact that my grandmother is still missing and that fact brings me close to Katrina every day.

I would write about how I have adopted the Pacers as my favorite basketball team this year since I know that Ron Artest winning would piss off mainstream America in the same way that Barry Bonds does.

I would write about after being at home every day for two months now I have no idea how an able bodied adult could do this their whole life and not go crazy.

I would write about how much I enjoyed New Edition singing Mr. Telephone Man with Bobby Brown at the BET Awards and how his wife really looks bad.

I would write that the Eagles should have suspended T.O. during training camp and traded him.

I would write that the Spurs will beat the Pacers in the finals and Kobe will be the MVP of the league.

I would write that the NBA dress code is hypocritical because they promote these urban brothers and make billions of dollars world wide but they don't want the world to see them for who they really are. You might as well tell them to wear mask and take away all of their personality like the NFL does.

I would write about how cool the Boondocks was tonight and how I hope Neecha was watching and didn't forget.

If I felt like writing, I would make the observation that for the last two months I have met all kinds of people from New Orleans. We have given one another support and sometimes even a way to laugh and joke about the whole thing when it was needed. I would write about how if maybe we would have been that way with one another in the city before the storm, most of our people wouldn't feel like freed slaves, vowing never to return.

Oh well.........I don't feel like writing so you will never know what I think.

Thursday, November 3, 2005

FEMA e-mails provide window on ex-director's response - Yahoo! News

FEMA e-mails provide window on ex-director's response - Yahoo! News

So while all the babies and old folks were sitting in the sun suffering and waiting for help, this asshole Micheal Brown was sending emails worrying about his clothes and who was going to watch his dog. I now want even more money from the government.

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Can I get a lawsuit out of this?

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Review to Congress finds design flaws in New Orleans levees

01:01 PM CST on Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Brett Martel / Associated Press

The engineers who designed the floodwalls that collapsed during Hurricane Katrina did not fully consider the porousness of the Louisiana soil or make other calculations that would have pointed to the need for stronger levees with deeper pilings and wider bases, researchers say.

At least one key scenario was ignored in the design, say the researchers, who are scheduled to report their findings at a congressional hearing Wednesday: the possibility that canal water might seep into the dirt on the dry side of the levees, thereby weakening the embankment holding up the floodwalls

"I'd call it a design omission," said Robert Bea, a University of California at Berkeley civil engineering professor who took part in the study for the National Science Foundation.

The research team found other problems in the city's flood-control system, including evidence of poor maintenance and confusion over jurisdiction.

Bea also questioned the margin for error engineers used in their designs, saying the standards -- which call for structures to be 30% stronger than the force they are meant to stop -- date to the first half of the 1900s, when most levees were built to protect farmland, not major cities.

"The center of New Orleans is certainly not protection of farmland, so the factor of safety was incredibly low," Bea said. "We're talking about thousands of families without homes and shutting down a commercial infrastructure that's pretty darn important to the United States."

While surging waters from the Gulf of Mexico flowed up and over levees east of the city, flooding in central New Orleans and parts of downtown was caused by breaches at barriers along the 17th Street and London Avenue canals, both of which have been built since the late 1980s.

Floodwaters eventually inundated 80 percent of New Orleans and had to be pumped out over weeks because of the city's saucer-like topography.

The UC team is one of three independent teams working with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, the agency responsible for the levees' design and construction, to determine why the barriers failed and make recommendations to repair them.

Corps officials have said the barriers were never intended to withstand a storm as powerful as Katrina. Congress instructed them to build a network of levees and floodwalls that could withstand a Category 3 storm similar to Hurricane Betsy, which flooded New Orleans in 1965. Katrina was a Category 4 hurricane when it came ashore Aug. 29.

But since Katrina's center passed to the east of New Orleans, there is debate as to whether the city experienced more than the equivalent of a Category 3 storm.

Bea said the NSF team believes the Corps has suffered from a lack of funding and technical resources over the years.

Paul Mlakar, an Army Corps of Engineers senior research director, said the Corps shares Bea's concerns.

"He raises an interesting question that needs to be looked at," Mlakar said. "If something wasn't done right, we want to be the first to change and make it right."

Steel-sheet pilings driven into the ground are meant to stop seepage from the wet side of the levee to the dry side and serve as an anchor for the levees' protective, concrete walls. But a number of engineers have said the pilings apparently were not driven deeply enough into the relatively loose, porous soil endemic to southern Louisiana.

The result: Water seeped deep into the ground and destabilized the soil, causing the walls to collapse.

Bea also said that the flood-control system has many jurisdictions involved, and the resulting confusion leaves "no one minding the store."

While the Corps is responsible for levee construction, local levee boards take care of most maintenance. In some cases, the state highway department or railroad companies handle maintenance of floodwalls when their rights of way cross the levee system.

A flood gate near the Industrial Canal, which helped inundate parts of east New Orleans, was missing because of damage caused by a train, Bea said.

The Union Pacific railroad had removed the gate for repairs, and it dispatched employees to fill the gap with sandbags as Katrina approached

"It didn't hold," Bea said. "There isn't a door, and they've got measly sandbags they're putting in to compensate."

At another canal, the UC group found a levee built to five different elevations by five different agencie

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)