Reengaged

Last week I had training at work. A few of the trainees were part of a group of people who have moved here since Katrina and are working in the Lower Ninth Ward in some or fashion. One of the trainees is working with this guy who’s building a new school down there and I happen to mention to her that he’s opening the school about three blocks from where my grandfather’s house was. Before I knew it I had rehashed the whole story about everything that happened. She was real apologetic because she thought she had awakened some post traumatic stress. I assured her I was fine and not to feel bad because there is no way she could have known my situation. I actually thought the nervous silence of the room anticipating my emotional breakdown was kind of funny. I am not sure where I stand on the my lack of passion for the wrong that happened in the past and the bad things happening now. I’m not sure how I feel about that because I think there are too many content people. I am definitely not content but for sanity reasons sometimes I stop paying attention and pretend things are all good. The truth of the matter is that some days I talk myself into not being upset about anything at all. I'm slowly starting to have moments of fun with no complaints about anything. That’s why I can’t watch the news or pay attention to the things going on around me. How to stay a good blogger by doing this is beyond me but that’s what I have been doing the past few weeks.

I had a great weekend. All three days of it were great. I closed it out by hanging in the Lower Ninth Ward at my cousin’s house. She’s trying to start a new family tradition for the folks that have returned home to New Orleans. We were talking about the good news and the bad with a little reminiscing sprinkled in between. I was sitting by her door watching the fourth and fifth generations of Walter Harris’ bloodline playing outside and that’s when I realized it might be selfish to tune out and pretend that everything is cool. Things are not anywhere as good as they should be or could be. Between the crooked politicians, corporate thieves, racist people from all walks of life, thugs, bad education and the rest you have to wonder what kind of world we are preparing for those babies running around that yard today. Some of the things happening in this city and the world are crazy. I mean, two guys shot four babies yesterday and no one really knows why. You can’t ignore that kind of thing and hope it changes on its own. If Katrina did anything it taught us that even the most traumatic event can’t shake some people’s bad intentions. The mind state is entrenched and will be difficult to move. By the way, I am not just talking about the thugs either. There’s some educated ignorant people around here that are just as bad because they could help the problems but they would rather use bad situations to help their self esteem. It’s not time to tune everything out. I am going to have to balance being pissed off and feeling good at the same time. Good thing for me I have more than one personality.