Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Cliff's X-Mas Wish List

I honestly don't want or expect anything for Christmas. The only thing on my mind this Christmas is health and comfort for my friends and family and anything that has Dora the Explorer on it for my baby. Other than searching for Dora I am good. However, if I had to make a Christmas wish list for myself just for fantasy's sake here is what would be on it.


Wrestling DVD collection: The best part about having a collection like this is that besides my cousin Big Dave, the rest of my friends think it is strange and nerdy for me to take that much pride in a fake sport. That means no one ever tries to borrow anything so I never have to look for any of my propety. The storm wiped it out but you can bet I will be replacing the library as soon as possible.

Richard Pryor Concert Collection: Another lost item from the storm. I also lost my Richard Pryor t-shirt and my poster which were the only birthday gifts my brother ever gave me other than alcohol. I can't seem to find the Asian store owners that sell all the black t-shirts so I can replace it.

Two lapdances from The Blue Flame in Atlanta: Sorry, but that is a great gift.

A new class ring: I am more upset at Nikki for losing my old class ring now since my school may get the wrecking ball. If the ring was too big to wear you should have just given it back to me and not kept it in your purse. I didn't lose yours. Young love is so costly.

Isaac Hayes Live at The Sierra Tahoe Album: Went to look at my house the water had eaten away the album cover art but I started to clean the record and take it with me........was just too emotional at the time.

Aretha Franklin Live at The Filmore West Album: See above explanation.

Marvin Gaye Live at The Palladium Album: See above explanation.

A 2006 Lexus LS: There may some rich person reading this looking to give to hurricane relief. Is there anything more depressing and more unrealistic than those Lexus commercials where they show all the people getting new cars with bows on them for Christmas. How can you walk into the house with a Wal Mart bag after they run that commercial fifty times.

A date with Gabrielle Union: She's getting a divorce. She might be at home reading blogs and looking for a way to help with hurricane relief. What better way to help out then flying me out to Hollywood for the weekend? I have nothing to lose.

A bucket of Patton's Hot Sausage: Why is the rest of the world sleeping on the greatest food of all time. I mean you just can't buy it anywhere North of Hammond, East of Baton Rouge and West of Pearl River. If Mayor Nagin wants people to return home, he should pass an ordinance that hot sausage can only be eaten within the New Orleans city limits. He will assure at least all of his former residents will at least visit five times a year for their fix. I can feel my arteries closing just from the thought.

A New Gangsta Hat: You know the kind like Ced the Entertainer wear. I had three of them and would like them back. If I get one that means I have to actually buy some clothing other than the jogging pants I have been wearing since August.

My dog Sandy...........

Dora the Explorer Bed and Kitchen Set: I'll give all my request back for this one since they sold out in less than five minutes the day after Thanksgiving.

A second line: There has to be enough refugees in this area for the Hot 8, Lil Rascals or the Newbirth Brass band to come here and just parade around the block a few times. They only have to do a few songs and I will have my fix. I don't want to go home and see a secondline in the French Quarter because that will only piss me off. I need a good ghetto second line that involves grandmothers shaking things they haven't in years, pitbulls without muzzles, big girls wearing clothes that are way too small, someone getting shot along the way and that dirty, strange white dude with that nappy beard that shows up to every secondline no matter how dangerous the neighborhood is and always has more fun than every person out there. If you don't know what I am talking about then I can't explain it. If you do know what I am talking about, I hope you are not homesick for the holidays like me.

Happy Holidays

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