Dear Foreign Nations,
I was real busy last week. In between my hard work I took the time to pick up the paper one day and I saw that you guys had offered 854 million dollars in aid for Katrina victims. The well run government of the United States turned down most of it and has only used 40 million of the aid they did accept. Since no one in my local government seems to be pissed off enough about this. I am taking the time to write this letter and ask that the other 814 million be sent directly to me. I promise if you send me this money I will make sure that everyone from Biloxi to Kenner that is still trying to get things in order will get some help. I also promise that the only selfish thing I will do with any of it is get my air conditioning fixed in my car since it will be extremely difficult to ride all the way to Waveland, Mississippi without my A/C working. There won't be any politicians involved with my spending decisions because they all seem to have other motives for how things get done. In the event of another disaster, please do not ask anyone in Washington if you can help. Just show up to the place of the disaster and start doing stuff. The current administration is so busy trying to look tough since they messed up that Iraq thing that they won't take help from anybody that won't kiss their ass. Once you read this letter, please send me an email to weneedmoney@RoadHomeisajoke.com. I will be happy to help you with any questions you may have. The only one I won't be able to answer is how a program designed to helped the citizens of the state could be running out of money when hardly anyone has actually gotten checks. I'm not smart enough to answer that one.
Thank you for time.
Disgruntled Louisiana Resident and Non Disaster Aid Receiver