Sitting On My Porch Part Forty Seven

Isn’t that the best looking world championship ring you have ever seen? Hell yeah it is! I can't wait until jewelry stores start selling the knock off version.

This is your favorite ghetto intellectual and I am coming to you from the land of not enough oil boom, budget deficits and brass band curfews. I’m writing this post under the influence of my favorite maduro cigar, a glass of brandy, and some confusing back pain that is causing me to walk like Fred G. Sanford. We are going to try and see if I can make it through this long post without mentioning much about the oil spill. I should just get that part out of the way first.

Watching Tony Hayward give those lame ass answers in front of Congress made me realize yet again why I can’t be a politician. There’s no way I could have sat through that without losing it. I guess he was still weary from the 20 billion dollar shakedown the day before.

I sent some cats the information for the oil clean up work but there are a few issues. I won't put them on blast but I will say that you might not have every credential needed when an opportunity comes your way but you should have all of the basics together to give yourself a chance. Have a valid driver’s license or state ID. Make sure you are able to pass a background check. Be able to pass a drug test. Don't have things in such disarray that people are reluctant to help you and risk losing their creditability.

I wish they wouldn’t have announced how much money BP gave to pay for claims. They should have just given it and kept it quiet. The reason I say that is I have learned after Katrina that Americans can’t comprehend when you ask for more assistance when there are stories of big money already being spent. In a lot of national stories about New Orleans still needing help the media would throw in a line like “So far, 5 billion dollars has been spent on Katrina recovery.” If you try to tell the world you need more money after that it looks like you are trying to get over.

Do you know how good a half shrimp/half oyster po boy taste when you eat it thinking it may be the last one you have for a long time?

Congratulations to the Lakers on winning the championship last night. Just for the record, I roll with Kobe. I was also happy for Ron Artest because he didn't choke anyone. I thought the Celtics showed a lot of heart and Rajon Rondo has a new fan. That seven game series was a great distraction for a lot of people. There was a online trash talking war that I really enjoyed. Now I am ready for American football to start. I have been watching some of the World Cup and I know understand how the sport isn’t number one in America. We can’t take the ties. In our major sports there has to be a clear winner and a loser. Remember when college football games used to end in ties? That drove everyone crazy so now an overtime game in college can last forever just to make sure we know who the winner is. Soccer would make gains in America if they add sudden death overtime. I have to be fair and say their crowds are way cooler than ours. We need some of those songs that everyone in the crowd seems to know the words to.

I wish I was in South Carolina just long enough to vote for Alvin Greene.

I am not sure if I am supposed to admit this so I am going to type it in whisper print…...I like Congressman Cao and unless someone runs against him that sweeps me off my feet I am going to vote for sending him back to Washington D.C. My reason is that he seems like the kind of guy you could talk to and he actually uses the information to make a decision. He’s not just a brainwashed zombie that tows the party line the way other people do. Even if I don’t agree with his votes I can get him to explain it. That’s good enough for me.

I want to make a comment on the column written by Jarvis DeBerry in today’s paper. You can read it for yourself but I just wanted to add that another reason that 15 year old kid didn’t go to the police about two brothers that killed his grandmother is that he might have been scared for her and the rest of his family. The police department needs to stop contributing everything to vigilante justice. Crime in New Orleans is a complicated thing.

I noticed that people like to label themselves as being a certain kind of person. In my opinion this is not a good thing whether your label you want to promote yourself in a positive or negative light. I don’t want to limit myself into any box. You don’t need that pressure. I would rather be able to go to the parent meetings on Saturday mornings and hit the strip club that evening with my boy without having to explain my actions to anyone. You don’t have to call me righteous, a soldier or a family man. Just call me Cliff and we will be okay.

Sunday is Father’s Day so I thought I would close this post with one of my favorite daddy stories. My daddy likes to write letters and notes. When you are a little boy this can translate into some strange messages from inanimate objects. I used to have a problem with leaving things out of the fridge and the cabinets after I used them. It would have been easy for this man to just tell me to put it back. Instead I would go to sleep or go outside and come back to find a letter on my bed that would go something like this.

Dear Chippy,
I am a lonely bottle of mustard.
I feel so sad sitting out here all alone on the table.
I hate being away from the mayonnaise and ketchup.
Could you please return me to the refrigerator with my friends?


People wonder why I am such a smart ass. I love that dude. This song is for Big Cliff.