Thursday, July 31, 2008

Blessing Blocking

For the first time in a few weeks I went to City Park instead of Audubon Park to work out. I like City Park much better. It’s closer to the house. There are less people who trust big dogs too much and walk them right next to your leg. Plus, there are more sisters at City Park and that’s always an added bonus. Despite all of those advantages I have been avoiding going there because I have been trying not to look my former trainer in the eye.

I stopped working with the man and I didn’t have a good reason. The brother saw me out there and just wanted to help me reach my goals. That’s what he always said and nothing he never anything to prove differently. He was even working with me for free. My own pessimism made me think of every shallow reason not to let this cat help me. I even complained about the fact he’s one of those guys who always needs dap or a handshake as affirmation for everything he says (I have a one contact per meeting limit for men). I feel bad about the last time I saw him and tried to explain why I stopped showing up. Nothing makes you feel more stupid than not keeping a commitment to someone without a real reason.

I’ve become one of those people who are so guarded with their feelings and so paranoid about being disappointed that I think of any reason to run people away from me as quick as possible. I’m probably missing out on something good because instead of opening that email or returning that phone call I ignored it. When people get in that mind state it only makes life harder. It’s definitely been harder to break through this barrier and lose these last ten pounds. I could have stuck with that brother and been outside washing my truck bare chest by now. I guess the next time I see him out there I will shake his hand and give him the phrase brothers use to acknowledge wrong doing without actually having to say what they did…………“My Bad Bruh”

I need to work on that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think your willingness to accept that you fell by the way is a good start. Those last ten pounds can be a bitch.