Sunday, September 8, 2013

I was going to retire this page. I don’t feel like I am doing right by it anymore. I haven’t been putting much thought into things the way I used to. I definitely haven’t been reading anything. It’s very difficult to write anything when you don’t read. Who feels like reading about budget cuts, babies getting killed and the struggle all the time anyway? People who don’t pay attention to those kinds of things always seem to be happier than I am. I’m a bit jealous of that. I don’t know the last time I went through my news feed to see what everyone was doing. 

2013 has been a bumpy year for me so far. I lost two good friends. One had an accident in his work truck and the other was killed by his girlfriend.  I’ve been having them on my mind all the time because we shared so many memories together. When you grow up in my era of New Orleans sometimes it feels like if you are lucky enough to grow old there won’t be anyone around to share memories with. I turned 39 in June. I never did a search to find out what age is acceptable for having a midlife crisis but I have been feeling like I am at the start of one for awhile now.

I also had the experience of being in ICU at Children’s Hospital with my daughter. There is no one in the world I dislike enough to wish that experience on them. She’s doing fine now. I think she is better than I am. Kids are resilient as long as you don’t put too much on them. She is young enough that certain thoughts don’t creep into her head. I’m not so lucky so   for the last few weeks I have been trying to find out who in my family ever had Type 1 diabetes. My parents and their siblings are pretty good at family history and no one has come up with anything. I have chosen to place the blame on the grandfather (mother’s father) that I never met and have promised myself that if by some chance he is alive and wants to look her up before he passes away, the first thing I am going to do is ask him if he has type 1 diabetes. After that I am going to punch him in the face.

Life is unpredictable. You never know what is going to change from day to day. One of the lessons I learned after Katrina is that the world doesn’t stop so you can get yourself together. You have to keep moving and deal with the old stuff too. I am very good at doing that. I wish that list of things to deal with could stop adding new things so I could catch up a little.

1 comment:

collective conscience said...

So sorry to hear about the loss of your two friends and your little girl's diabetes.Sometimes life feels like it's just one bad thing after another.
Keeping you in my thoughts.