Let's talk about how real life works in the community. I hope I don't upset anyone with what I am about to say. All over the country young men are doing things in the streets at an alarming rate. Whenever we go through a cycle like this someone always stands up and wants to know what 'we' are doing to fix the problem. We need to come out of our offices, go down to the blocks where we grew up and save the young men out there. Saturday morning I applied to be a mentor in a mentoring program for young boys and girls. I won't name the agency just in case they don't call me back. They ask for at least a six hour a month commitment for a year. I think I can handle that. The gentleman who runs the program was talking to me about the need for more male mentors. I understood what he is saying and I signed up myself but I don't know if I can truly judge any man that is already taking care of his own home. If he's doing that then his time is pretty much spent. I'm not making excuses. It's simply a matter of supply and demand.
If you have school aged children your life is hectic. Back in the day everyone in my neighborhood walked to school and when they got older they caught the city bus. You could live the house for 8AM and get to school on time. On the way there you would run across people who knew you and your whole family. You could be home, have homework done and be outside playing by 5PM. Now the kids don't get out until 5. They probably go to school across town and have to be there at 7:30AM. So you and the kids both get home about 6PM and schools are handing out hours of homework every night as a way to show they are serious about education. Now you have to do all of that and still find time to eat, give them a bath and sneak in some family time. If they are into some extra curricular stuff on the weekends then you are pretty much on lock down until Sunday. If someone is doing this day after day it's hard for me to look at them like they are destroying the community for not having the time or energy to help other people's kids. I'm not saying we shouldn't try. I'm saying all of these mentors and strong men they want to hit the streets should only be a support group for the daddies that created the young men we are trying to save. In this day and time if a daddy is already doing what he's supposed to do then he may not have time to be everyone else daddy. Their real fathers need to come in and lighten the load.
5 comments:
I just told my husband yesterday that,it's ironic how I'll be able to do more for my kids school once they are out of it. It IS demanding.
We caught the bus to school, I have to drive my kids to school(after my brother was cold-cocked for nothing more than being a Mc35 student, I wouldn't dare put my kids on the bus.) I've had to adjust my work time so that, I only work on weekends just to give more time to my own kids. I would love to mentor but, my life doesn't allow that right now. So, no...NO ONE should get upset by this post because, it's the honest truth.
My son is in his school's band so, he doesn't get out until 6p.m. and St. Aug seems to perform at everything so, my husband and I have to take shifts (dropping off/picking up)just to keep balance within our own household.
Times were different when we were young. It's much more demanding today.
My son's school asks for 25 hours of volunteer time from the parents each year. It's rough for many parents to even do ten. Work and kids' transportation issues alone'll kill ya. People wonder why parents don't work their butts off more to have more of a say in how their schools are doing and how they're run...well, you've nailed down some big reasons why. We're turned around just trying to negotiate it all for our OWN children, forget the rest of the city's kids. If we could only clone ourselves...
Yes, everything you say, yes.
We must give those getting through those "hours of homework" that come before some kids are ready, getting their children across town and back or racing back before after-care closes, and who are trying their best to love and raise their children well....That takes more hours in a day than I already have.
You speak truth, Cliff. Thanks.
I want to say that you never fail to impress me. This post brought tears to my eyes because you are so right on--in every part of it.
Dear Lord, I know it is hard now to be a parent. I see my young friends working as hard as they possibly can--both parents--and trying to pay their own student loans and all the rest of it and they still put the kids first and still go out and help at school functions and activities on the weekend. You have to be young and strong and you have to be making a living in today's market with all that entails and not one single part of that is easy today.
My hat is off to all of you.
If somebody who is doing all of that still is willing to give six hours a month to a kid who has almost none of that just to try to give him a chance to live, I want to stand up and cheer. No, more than that: I want to pay for the burgers. Please put a button on your blog, Cliff, and set up a Paypal or something so I can.
Cliff...
I LOVE your blog and read it often. I have to say, you've hit upon something incredibly important (among a lot of other things) when you write
"You could live the house for 8AM and get to school on time. On the way there you would run across people who knew you and your whole family. You could be home, have homework done and be outside playing by 5PM. Now the kids don't get out until 5. They probably go to school across town and have to be there at 7:30AM. So you and the kids both get home about 6PM and schools are handing out hours of homework every night as a way to show they are serious about education. Now you have to do all of that and still find time to eat, give them a bath and sneak in some family time"
These kids are so busy that they don't even have TIME to be kids, to learn how to make choices, develop skills through PLAY that will benefit them their whole lives. And it is NOT the fault of parents - it's the schools with all of the homework that has not proven to raise test scores, to reinforce concepts in the class etc in an effort to demonstrate they are 'serious'. Serious about what? Over-programming kids?
Time with the family, having people in the neighborhood you know you as a kid (and will tell your mama exactly what they saw you do that you shouldn't be doing), is AS important as the classroom - if not more.
There is no time for a family to be a family because there are too many demands on everyone. It's nuts.
Thank you for everything you write.
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