Where Do I Begin?

Where do I begin,

It's hard to put into words the thoughts that are going through my mind at this minute. Two weeks ago the only thing on my mind was my tailgate party for the Saints first game. Today I am at square one in life having lost every possession I own in Hurricane Katrina. It's quite a shocking turn of events when you wake up one day and realize that 31 years of life, memories and work are swept away in an instant. My entire family and most of my friends lost everything. I never thought we would all be starting over together at the same time. Who do you lean on? Everyone is in the same situation. If I had to describe what I feel at this moment it would have to be shock, depression and a lost of will. I just wish I knew where my grandmother was right now. The pain I feel inside is compounded by the realization that the government and the rest of the world looks at the people from my hometown as second class citizens not worthy of dignity. The treatment we have received in other cities since this happen has been helpful but also degrading. Don't let the images on TV fool you. On April 28th I had a job, a house, a dog that I loved dearly, and a wonderful circle of friends and family support. I didn't depend on a handout and I really don't want any now but since my life has been washed away in toxic flood water I have no choice. Where do I go from here? Only time will tell. I don't know if I can ever feel truly secure in my own city again. I don't know if the circumstances of how I left will ever allow me to feel like I truly belong anywhere else either. I guess I am in emotional limbo when it comes to my place in this country. I would be lying if I said that New Orleans was the most cleanest, honest, and most rewarding place to live. Some of the things that go on there can take allot out of you mentally. I won't mention the draining humidity and heat and the unwritten racism in the area that almost assures the entire area won't prosper. Even with all that, I have an almost obsessive love for the place that won't die until I do. Call me foolish but I have always waited for the day when things would turn around. I guess that day is near because it can't get much worse than it is now. I don't know what the future holds for me or the Big Easy. I do know that there are some friends and people that I may never see or hear from again because of this storm. Some are deceased and others will be too shaken emotionally to ever come back. The hardcore people like myself will be back one day. I just don't know how you get over something like this. I want one night of sleep without dreaming of something back home and one day where I don't start crying out of the blue. I don't know if that will ever happen again. I hope I find my grandma.