Friday, June 29, 2007

The Real Population

This week Greg Rigamer (I am still not sure where he lives.) put the population of New Orleans at 262,000.
Mayor Nagin is disputing this number and I agree with him. The figure Rigamer came up with is based on official data like utility hookups. I am sure this is a way to get a count that can be proven but it does really count everybody. That is especially true in a situation like this considering the way New Orleans residents do things. So, being the concerned citizen that I am, I will now give an educated estimate of the real population based on actually being here everyday and seeing what’s going on. The 262,000 that Mr. Rigamer will be used as our base number in the equation.

262,000 Residents based on the official population estimate.
5000 People who are living with someone else because they got kicked out of Texas.
2000 Crooked contractors staying in hotels; because when you steal money it’s not good to have an official address.
500 People staying in trailers that is supposed to be empty. They usually have bootleg electricity so Mr. Rigamer missed all of them.
5000 People who are here everyday but swear up and down they live in Atlanta, Memphis, Dallas or Houston now and are not coming back.
20,000 Workers from Latin America. I don’t think anyone really knows where they all live but they are here.
5000 Family members of the workers from Latin America.
500 Thieves, pimps, prostitutes, scam artists, drug dealers, fugitives, hustlers, and anyone else that needs to hide in a city where everyone is dealing with so much that they can’t pay attention to people like them. If you believe the media this number should be 200,000.

If we take our base number and add all the sections of population they missed, we come to an even 300,000. Mayor Nagin has my permission to use this in the media to make his case if it means more resources.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Ain't a Ceiling

Jail Ain't Cute

Too many brothers daily heading for tha big penn Niggas commin' out worse off than when they went in

Trapped by Tupac

I find if fascinating she went on Larry King talking about jail like it was some trip to Mecca or something. I am glad rich people find prison so enlightening and amusing. Let me tell you what prison means to me. Prison is where one of my best friends from childhood went for stealing a shirt and came home knowing how to do all kinds of major felonies. Prison is where a brother can lose ten years, the right to vote and all ties with his children for a ten dollar piece of crack. Prison is how men come home to their women after years of “jailhouse love” and spread HIV all through the community. I am glad Larry King and Paris finds it so cute. I find nothing special about it. No reporters are out there when Pookie gets out of jail. There is just a bunch of people trying to figure out a way to make him pay for being there the rest of his life. Prison is the reason that even though I haven’t did nothing to anybody, when a police car is behind me I think to myself “I hope nobody with a car like this did anything stupid”. I bet you if they put Paris ass back on level 3 with Laquita and Big Mama her ass wouldn’t have had much to tell Larry King. I bet you Lil Kim wasn’t isolated.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Friday Night Chillin

As I sit here on a Friday night sipping on a glass of brandy on the rocks reading through these blogs I have posted; I understand why some people accuse me of being very angry. The truth of the matter is that I may get upset because of things that happen in the world around me but I think life is beautiful. It’s beautiful for some of the most simple reasons. That’s why I comprised this list.

It's Beautiful Baby

Like the first time you looked at a girl and she makes you smile.
Like dancing with my mama in the kitchen on St. Claude St.
Like big strong black men that don’t take no mess.
Like a woman that holds you down.
Like passing a school at lunchtime and seeing little children playing.
Like my grandmother’s sugar cookies.
Like We Are One by the Hot 8 Brass Band.
Like meet me in front of The Joy Theatre for one of those Canal St. bus ride dates.
Like an old black woman with a Crown Royal bag for a purse.
Like sitting on a porch somewhere downtown for hours talking about nothing serious.
Like hearing a small child say daddy for the first time and realizing it’s you.
Like going to the Auditorium to watch the Junkyard Dog fight Kamala.
Like that ’83 Chevy Malibu that only broke down in front of the door after it got you home.
Like my grandpa telling me the same crazy story over hundred times during my lifetime.
Like standing in the middle of a thunderstorm at the crabbing pond.
Like beautiful black women from New Orleans.
Like beautiful black women from New Orleans with two solid gold teeth and bowlegs.
Like reciting that Dr. King speech in the 5th grade without having to stop and look at the paper.
Like sitting on the lake at midnight with a cigar and a house special daiquiri.
Like an old church hymn sang for 20 minutes.
Like doing anything with my daddy.
Like hearing the Big Chief’s tambourine player at 6AM on Mardi Gras day.
Like kisses in your ear.
Like going to a club and hearing a real band play real music.
Like the golden time of day when the sun is going down.
Like 10lbs of crawfish, and a side of turkey necks…not too spicy.
Like Afro puffs.
Like a sister with dredlocks.
Like Capri pants and low rise jeans that show tattoos on the lower back.
Like little girls in Easter dresses.
Like little boys in their Easter suits.
Like Cornel West and Maya Angelou.
Like “Swing down sweet chariot stop and let me ride!”
Like Erykah Badu and Jill Scott.
Like Richard Pryor and Donny Hathaway.
Like his daughter Lalah and Stevie Wonder
Like Rakim and LL.Cool J.
Like Mc. Lyte and Salt & Pepa
Like Big Luther and Aretha.
Like James Brown and Mary J.
Like Ella Fitzgerald and Gwendolyn Brooks.
Like I’ve Known Rivers and Ego Tripping.
Like House Party and It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back.
Like getting up every morning and realizing you have another day to add to whatever is on your list.

If none of this moves you then blame it on the brandy.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Stay Home Adam

I have been going to gentleman's clubs all over the south since I was 20 years old. I have only seen one fist fight. How is it that every time Pacman Jones goes to the club somebody gets shot? The whole point of going to the strip club is so you can get in a good mood without having to deal with anything serious. Those girls are doing a horrible job at making the patrons relaxed the nights he goes. Plus, he got the rules of engagement all twisted. First, he threw thousands of dollars up in the air and expected women working on tips not to touch it. Then, he brings a girl to the club with him and gets mad when a guy mistakes her for a dancer. What was she wearing to make the guy think that? You don't need a posse to roll to the strip club anyway. It's more fun going alone so one of the dancers with a good heart might think you have no friends and give you a little sympathy attention. That's how you get two songs for 25.00 instead of the usually one for 20.00.

Mama: If and when you read this, please ignore anything that gives you the idea your son has ever attended an establishment such as this. I just wrote about going to clubs myself for dramatic effect. My friends told me about all of this happening while I was at home reading….Now, back to Pacman.

I can't believe out of his whole entourage this brother doesn't have one friend with enough sense to let him know he makes the kind of money playing football to have his own party. He just needs to stay his ass home and serve this suspension quietly. I can't stand wasted talent. He's either going to get shot or banned from the NFL and end up having to get a real job like the rest of us. Adam, if you should happen to read this, please send an email to me so we can talk. I have a comrade named (I can't put my boy's name out there like that. His mama might be reading too.) that throws the best closed door parties ever. His guest list is always pre-approved and sworn to secrecy so the NFL would never find out. I am excited to see what he could do for a guy that is willing to throw 80k in the air and make it rain. He might not even charge you just for the excitement of it all. Do whatever you have to do Adam but stay your ass at home until you are reinstated.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Happy Father's Day

There is nothing wrong with saying I love you to your children all the time.

Being a good daddy sometimes means putting yourself last.

Once you have kids, you can’t disappear at the first sign of trouble.

There is never a reason to make it okay for your kids to disrespect their mama.

Playing with baby dolls and drinking out a toy tea cup doesn’t make you a punk.

When it’s all said and done, your children will remember your time you spent way more than they remember the money you spent.

Any man that doesn’t do the right thing for their children should hold their manhood cheaper than the rest of us.

You are your daughter's first example of how a man is supposed to treat her.

Your son's first example of how a man is supposed to act.

A real man may have to do things for people during his lifetime without any recognition and that has to be ok.

We live in a world where kids from my generation and younger have had to deal with all the issues of trying to reconcile the issues of not having their dads. They lack of that figurehead has scarred our community to a critical level. I am proud to say that I have never had this problem for even one day. There are many great men and great fathers out there. I would like to thank God for giving me one of the best. If my kids ever think I am half of the man my daddy is then that means I did a damn good job.

We talk a lot of trash about how fly we are. The truth of the matter is if your kids don’t think you are the greatest thing next to God himself you are not doing something right. Even if they never express it that should be your goal everyday.
Happy Father’s Day to all the cats doing the right thing or giving all they have to make it right.
We all deserve one day to get the props we deserve.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Fighting the Man and Hurting Your Brother

I love working with intelligent black people. Intelligence is not always an indication of having the proper perspective.There is a sister that collaborates with me on work matters. For the last month she has been making a big deal about my director not responding to her request as quickly as she thinks he should. I have come to realize that she is just doing this to make herself seem more efficient and hide the flaws of her department (like waiting until the last minute to ask for shit that they knew about six months ago). The director of her agency actually called a meeting to address some concerns. We had the meeting, worked everything out and now the Nubian queen is back to the same thing because my director decided to take a well deserved vacation without reading her mind first to know about all the request she forgot to ask for. I am about to pull her ass to the side and tell her to be quiet. Everyday she calls me to complain about the guy I work for? She tells me all the complaints she has given to her director then follows that with the statement "I made sure I told her it wasn't you Cliff. I told her we never have any problems". Why would you complain if I handle everything immediately? Does she think her request is more valid if the white man acknowledges it? Maybe she feels disrespected. I'm searching for a reason why she would put my quality of work into question with her vendetta against him.

In a five day work week I may only see my director twice. I set my own itinerary and I make my own rules. If there is something going on and I want to get up and leave or come to work at noon instead of morning I can without any notice. The reason why the white dude doesn't respond quickly is because I take care of every single aspect of my department so he doesn't have to (Ebonics translation: I got this on lock!).Even if he did respond to her immediately the only thing he would say is "Cliff is going to take care of it". He runs about three different programs and I take care of mine so well and so efficiently that he has given me almost complete freedom (I don't have access to the budget).This is why I need to pull her ass to the side and explain that in her quest to slander the white guy and make herself more relevant, she is about to fuck up my good thing. If she keeps this up, he's going to end up having to micro-manage everything just to cover his own ass. If that happens then I will send a friend dressed as a cleaning lady to her office and plant a nickel bag in her desk then make an anonymous call from a pay phone to report it to her main office. The moral of the story is: Sometimes we get too caught up in our obsession with the other man and mess things up for the brother man.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Clearing Out My Mind

This blog is dedicated to the 50 Million pound challenge. Click this link to register. We might as well get down with a good cause for the people and bring sexy back at the same time. I'm pledging at least ten pounds to the total.There is no motivation like walking in front of a mirror with your shirt off and noticing that your body is still moving even after you stop walking.

I went to a beer tasting event for WYES television last Saturday. I have to say it was the most fun I have had around the city in a long time. I need to get out more and have fun like this but not another beer tasting for awhile. I don't think the goal of a beer tasting is to drink as much as you can in a two hour time period. I also don't think that when the bartender gives you that swallow of liquid for tasting purposes you are supposed to tell him to fill up the cup because you already know how this one tastes. I'll never get to ten pounds like that.

Remember when I wrote about the cat that got arrested outside of the st. Bernard Project protest march. It was his third arrest for murder. Well, Mr. Smith has been arrested for murder again. Why aren't we posting his photo and address on the front page of the Times Picayune so everyone knows where not to go? This is just the fourth one he has been arrested for. How many people has he shot and no one knows about?

I would like to give some recognition to Pastor John C. Raphael and the New Hope Baptist Church on LaSalle St. for getting out there and trying to do something about all the killing in Central City. They are the ones responsible for the "Enough" and "Thou Shalt Not Kill" signs around uptown.

Question: How many incidents of violence have to happen at a club or bar before black people figure out it's probably not a good idea to go back?

How many points would I lose as a proud New Orleans native and southern gentleman if I speak the truth and say that I watched both episodes of Tyler Perry's new show House of Payne last night and it sucked? It might actually be the reason that I went to sleep before ten for the first time in 5 years. It bored me into exhaustion.

My take on immigration: I don't believe we can stop anyone from coming to this country for a better life if that's what they want to do. However, if everyone is coming here for work, they need to pay taxes and social security. It's the only way to make it fair to working class people born here. I guarantee once FICA and the IRS takes a cut out of their wages, no one from another country will accept a job for 3/4 of the money a legal citizen will. They couldn't survive.

Why are 75% of the stores in New Orleans owned by Asian families and yet I can't find a good cup of yacamein? Do Asian people even eat yacamein? Does anyone outside of New Orleans even know what the hell yacamein is?

I have gotten some emails asking about why I don't write as much about New Orleans anymore. There are three reasons. The first reason is that I want to stay sane and live a long time and the speed of the recovery is driving me crazy. The second reason is that I am tired of being redundant. If you want to read about how I feel about the city, search back over the last two years because most of that stuff still applies. The third reason is that I love the place so much that I have been trying to be more positive about being here. I have finally realized that unless Katrina's family member comes back and puts us directly in the middle of Lake Pontchartrain, I am going to be here until I take the slow ride to Mt. Olivet cemetery. It doesn't make much sense to constantly dog the place you plan on raising your children. New Orleans is like that member of the family that's always messing up. You hate to get another bad report. You want to disown his ass and most of the time if you could you would slap the hell out of him. In the end, all you really want is for the jackass to do well. I think that's all the people from New Orleans that are here or from here really want. We want that and our settlement money from the Corps of Engineers.........bastards!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I would like to thank everyone who voted for William Jefferson instead of Karen Carter for Congress. At a time when we need as many voices as possible to get the money we deserve to rebuild the city, we now have an elected official that will spend all his time trying to stay out of federal penitentiary. Even if he is found innocent he will be tied up for the next few years. That's not the only issue. No one in Washington D.C. is going to want to have anything to do with this cat. We basically have a wasted position filled by a man that will never step down. This is one post Katrina catastrophe the citizens will have to own themselves.